Is that the rain on your skin, or is it just a single black mascara tear from the universe, mourning yet *another* reboot the world didn’t need?
ICYMI, last night’s MTV Awards were the scene of a We Need A Payday crime: the announcement that the OG cast of The Hills are re-uniting for a sequel to the iconic early 2000s series. Justin Bobby, roll the tape.
There was one notable absence last night, though: Lauren Conrad, aka LC, aka the star of the show for five of the show’s six seasons. While other original cast members like Spencer and Heidi Pratt, Audrina Patridge, Jason Wahler and even Whitney Port have signed on, she’s decided to sit this one out. According to an E! source, she’s, “concentrating right now on her Kohl’s line and her charity work, which she is very passionate about.” Um… we all know is code for, “actually has things going on,” right? Let us not forget (in a completely different context, but still) LC’s own famous line: “I want to forgive you and I want to forget you.”
We suppose it’s within the realm of possibility that Conrad is skipping the reboot because she’s also busy being a mom, except that having children is no barrier to participation. In fact, the vast majority of these returning stars are parents now, and that’s actually being billed as one of the plotting draws of the new series. “It’s like we’re all growing up,” says Stephanie Pratt in wonder during the teaser above. “It’s weird.” But is it? These people are all well into their thirties by now. Now if they *hadn’t* grown up, it would actually be interesting fodder for a reality show, but they have, and we’ve seen it all on Instagram anyway. Given that so many of the “storylines” on the original Hills have since been revealed as complete fabrications (Jen Bunny and Brody Jenner never dated IRL! Lauren was crying at Speidi’s wedding because the producers wouldn’t let her leave, not because she’s sad about their broken friendship!), it’s going to be interesting to see how they handle that for a much savvier 2018 audience. Or will they, like Kristin Cavallari’s current reality show, just bore us all into submission?
Along with Lauren, there was one OG cast member missing, the fan favourite side kick Lo Bosworth. She’s famously said that she needed “years of therapy” after her time on The Hills, which is as good a reason as any not to circle on back to what she called “the dark place.”
The real irony here, of course, is that this reboot, set for a 2019 release, is sub-titled “New Beginnings.” We hope—and LC is with us on this—that it’s the final chapter in a story that should have ended sometime around 2009. Let’s all listen to Natasha Bedingfield, and keep the rest… unwritten.