I woke up this morning with a stress-induced hive making camp on my forehead and a pool of anxious sweat at my back. Why is that, you ask? A bedtime scroll through Twitter revealed that basically the entire universe loathes the Dirty Dancing remake and it has me questioning pretty much everything. I didn’t think the remake was as horrendous as people are saying… what does this say about me as a human woman? I’ve always had a healthy appetite for guilty-pleasure movies, but do I really just have utterly terrible taste? Is my love and nostalgia for the original so deep that I had DD blinders on? And finally—will I ever again trust my ability to evaluate a remake the world never asked for?
So many questions, none of which I wanted immediately answered.
What I did want was to really love the remake. I tried hard to support the casting—some of which I still believe is dece, like Sarah Hyland as the tightly-wound sister—despite wondering if Abigail Breslin, a good actress and all-around delight with zero dancing experience, was the right choice for Baby Houseman. I interviewed the actor taking on the insane task of recreating the ICONIC role of Johnny Castle—the dance instructor whose body in a tight black t-shirt still makes me weep—and he was a true gent, so earnestly proud of the film. I even endorsed his performance after seeing an early screener—and BTW, I still think he did a solid job and so do his loyal fans. But what’s causing me perhaps the greatest heartache is wondering if my beloved Patrick Swayze, the original Johnny Castle, is rolling over in his grave, cursing me for saying his successor did a respectable job? This fear might plague me forever. I am, in a word (or two, to be exact), the shookest.
At least one good thing came out of this remake: memes so on point, they’d make a grown woman cry. (Full disclosure, I did.) Here, the best—and most savage—tweets from viewers who feel the remake did them dirty.
Dirty Dancing Havana Nights: We completely ruined Dirty Dancing
ABC: Hold my beer.#DirtyDancing
— Lucy on the Ground (@lucyo21) May 25, 2017
— Hannah Litaker (@HLitty) May 25, 2017
— Stacey Renee (@StaceofBase20) May 25, 2017
— MiSomnia (@FreyaWalnuts) May 25, 2017
— Jonna (@yvette052977) May 25, 2017
— Crutnacker (@Crutnacker) May 25, 2017
— Jessica Floyd Regitz (@JessFPardue) May 25, 2017
If ABC was smart, they’d run the original #DirtyDancing the next three nights in primetime without commercials, as penance for their crimes.
— Justin Schillo (@mordock57) May 25, 2017
I’d like to state for the record that I feel personally offended and victimized by the Dirty Dancing remake #DirtyDancing
— Emily (@frenchieblogs) May 25, 2017
— Raul A. Ortiz Jr (@RaulAOrtizJr) May 25, 2017
— Codybill (@Codybill_) May 25, 2017
— Carina (@riskycookie) May 25, 2017
— Thomas Rodriguez (@TRodriguez1980) May 25, 2017
— Cameron Grant (@coolcam101) May 25, 2017
— Jordan Stefanski (@SirSassquatch) May 25, 2017
— Megan Elise Saxty (@sexysaxty7) May 25, 2017
Sorry boo, I hope you can forgive me.
— ashley nettles (@anettles4) May 25, 2017
Meet the Actor Filling Patrick Swayze’s Shoes in Dirty Dancing
The Dirty Dancing Remake: Everything We Know From Instagram!
Anne T. Donahue Talks ALL the Twin Peaks Revival Goodness | Tarot Talk