I hesitated to watch Schitt’s Creek when it first premiered. Truth be told, I wasn’t sure a show about a family purchasing some hum-drum town in the middle of nowhere would stimulate my world. It’s the reason I avoid my concierge, football games and shows like Orange is the New Black: not enough outfit changes. But that sentiment flipped like an episode of Property Brothers when I received an alarming text explaining that I could not go out looking like “a human jacket” accompanied by this GIF of Moira Rose (played by the incomparable Catherine O’Hara) entering a room. From that moment on, I knew I was wrong to question Schitt’s Creek’s costume department and I’m willing to admit that in a court of law.
There was no turning back and I quickly gave in to the comedic genius of Dan Levy’s storyline about the Roses, a privileged family who lost their fortune and in many regards, their minds after being forced to move from their big city McMansion into a run-down motel in a small town called Schitt’s Creek. What ensues is the kind of hilarious denial that has not been seen since Gwyneth Paltrow refused to believe she starred in Spider-Man, until eventually the Rose family makes the most of a bad situation by co-owning their humble abode and finding their footing in the best Creek since Dawson’s.
But now in its sixth and final season, the series is being ripped from our television screens on April 7 and my brain is rejecting this information. What is the government going to do about this loss? Whomst will provide me with Stevie’s level of disheveled IKEA worker? Or Alexis’s brand of extra, in this economy?! In lieu of a seventh season, I’m begging Levy to fulfill his commitment to holding a Canadian passport and release Moira’s movie, The Crows Have Eyes 2, on DVD, stat. I see no flaws in this compromise.
So as an ode to Schitt’s Creek’s impressive wardrobe styling, we’re pouring one out for Dan Levy and costume designer Debra Hanson for doing the lord’s werk—with a small budget, no less—and delivering looks so fire, I am visibly damp. Thanks to countless hours spent on eBay, TheRealReal and Grailed, the duo was able to secure designer threads like Rick Owens, Alexander McQueen and archival Balenciaga on the reg to bless our eyeballs with. As we prepare to mourn the end of this dramatically clothed gang, I’ve compiled a list of the cast’s most memorable outfits to get us through these difficult times. From a shirtless Mutt to our girl Twyla looking like a Stagecoach simpleton and Jocelyn exuding humble cat culture, be sure to scroll through and try not to tear up with the memories of Schitt’s Creek cinematic perfection.
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In one of her signature “feeling cute and in big trouble” outfits, international woman of mystery Alexis Rose (Annie Murphy) shows up to simply look hot and I for one respect that energy. She nailed her audition for the town’s musical with an iconic performance of her title track from her self-described “critically-reviewed, limited reality series” A Little Bit Alexis and well, did somebody say Oscar buzz?
As the town’s sensible ray of sunshine who moonlights as a tarot card reader, Twyla’s fashion game can be described as “farm gal nice.” Thus it was an honour and privilege to see Twy (played by Sarah Levy) bedazzled like a Bachelor in Paradise alum at Stagecoach in Alexis’s jewels after an accessory exchange.
Schitt’s Creek? More like Spice Town, population Mutt. We were first introduced to this habanero pepper played by Tim Rozon in season one as the “hitchhiker burning meat over a garbage can” and while this isn’t exactly a memorable outfit, it is a memorable set of abs so: you’re welcome.
Every day is casual Friday for Jocelyn (Jennifer Robertson). She’s either popping off in a loud floral print or entering the general store in a delightfully dated cat sweater and her commitment to the “Karen” aesthetic is not lost on us.
My loins liquefied when Patrick’s soft, pale body encased in a crisp man-blouse held a guitar in the middle of Rose Apothecary’s first ever open mic night. He then had the audacity to sing a hauntingly beautiful rendition of Tina Turner’s “Simply the Best” to his lover, David Rose, and my grown adult body jumped into the Creek to perish.
Stevie is the Billie Eilish of the of the cast, usually sporting ill-fitting flannels to disguise her spooky, sexual popularity but she’s fooling no one because the second she rolls up in a slinky dress to remind the town that she was once voted “most likely to get the guy,” it’s a wrap.
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This story was originally an ode to David Rose’s sweaters but that would require giving the public access to my Excel spreadsheet(s), so I’ll spare y’all. Alas, if I’m only allowed to choose one, this Helmut Lang piece in the episode titled “Finding David”—where he runs away only to be found in a field on an Amish farm—can only be described as “Hooded raccoon, party of one.”
Moira Rose, member of the Jazzagals, neglectful parent and owner of many wigs, is dead—well, at least the internet thinks so. This Goldilocks-meets-Darth-Vader ensemble is the look she selects for her resurrection from the grave and all I can say is, release the crows.
A suited up, polished Zaddy Johnny is always a lewk, so it was a real treat to see him and his eyebrows in a hungover state donning sunglasses at the diner table. The thirst has never been stronger.
Ted is as thoughtful as he is sexless and I for one have never been more excited to see the town veterinarian and Mayor of Punsville miles away via a computer screen serving a tan and beard while caring for sea turtles on the Galapagos islands.