These days, nothing says romance like swiping right.
Oh wait! Getting a virtual thumbs up based on a single sentence and a chic bikini pic is possibly the least sexy start to any relationship—second perhaps only to being cat-called by the driver of a passing pickup truck. Perhaps that’s why as many as 64 percent of women describe their dating life as “boring,” according to a recent Harlequin Romance Report. Constantly swiping, “liking,” chatting and ghosting has many of us wondering whether we will ever find The Weeknd to our Selena.
So FLARE decided to bring some flirty, fun and v. v. cheesy romance back to the online dating game. We asked romance novelist Liz Reinhardt, author of the young adult book Rebels Like Us which hits shelves on Feb. 28, to give three Tinder profiles a steamy Harlequin upgrade—and the result is enough to warm up our stone cold hearts.
“A Damsel in Distressed Jeans”
Tinder bio: “I function as a human being on a regular basis. 5’7”
Reinhardt’s revamp: Designer looking to dress you up in my love. I appreciate when a man knows how to rock a perfectly fitted suit—but I dig a kind and confident smile even more. My ideal date: discovering beautiful new corners of a familiar city with someone who will hopefully find my corny jokes funny and isn’t afraid to search out that hole-in-the-wall coffee shop I once read a blog post about and have never managed to stumble across. Extra points if you can laugh about it when we wind up holding hands while we walk in circles for an hour and settle for whatever’s close and smells good—seriously, what doesn’t taste amazing when you’re sitting next to someone you’ve maybe been falling for since the second you locked eyes after smiling at a teenage boy serenading his giggling girlfriend in the park? If the date ends with a soft kiss on the hand or a warm hug, that will be perfect. But I want to close the door of my place, lean back, close my eyes, and imagine every hot, hungry kiss in our future. And if you find yourself turning around and walking back just because, knock on my door. Maybe we can figure it out together.
“Writer Looking for More than a Happy Ending”
Tinder bio: Freelance journalist. Netflix aficionado. Adult in training.
Reinhardt’s revamp: Looking for a smart, funny Netflix user who has Chef’s Table, Stranger Things and Parks and Rec in his queue and is ready to mix serious discussions about the golden age of television with intense “chilling.” There’s an art to spooning, and I’d love to perfect it with someone who can switch between sweet nothings and a dissection of global politics. But it’s not just watching great stories or reading them that make my heart happy—writing my own story has been my most exciting adventure. I’d love to co-author my next chapter with a sweet guy who knows how to juggle fun and adventure, romance and comedy. I’m ready to be swept off my feet and sweep someone off his in return. Let’s have the kind of adventures that, if they were a show, people would happily binge watch.
“Dancer Down to Get a Little Dirty”
Tinder: “Dance like no one’s watching. Skule engineer. Degroote MBA candidate.”
Reinhardt’s revamp: Engineer by day, salsa queen by night, I’m looking for a man who can balance his serious side with a sense of adventure. Must be willing to accompany me on the dance floor and funky chicken at my grandparents’ anniversary party, dab at my nephew’s bar mitzvah and country line dance at my best friend’s birthday party (she’s kind of crazy, but we love her). I don’t mind getting jiggy with a partner who has two left feet, as long as you have a good attitude and a sense of adventure. I have to be focused and controlled in my day job, so I want someone who can help me unwind when I clock out… a skilled foot massager will definitely earn serious brownie points, and I’m willing to return the favour. Looking for someone willing to show off your moves all night and then watch the sun rise. If you’re up for the adventure, I have my dancing shoes on.