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The movies have peddled us many lies over the years—that poor artists can afford cavernous New York lofts, that airport security will let you charge through for that tearful embrace, that Tom Cruise has a human soul. But one of the most egregious offenders in cinema is the sex scenes. Now, before y’all go nuts and start shrieking that Hollywood isn’t the best candidate to produce gritty verité depictions of IRL intercourse, remember that sex scene archetypes actually do have real-life consequences: why else do most women think there’s something wrong with them if they can’t come the second some dude sticks it in? Plus the complicated—or near-impossible—moves that follow are executed so easily on the reg on-screen that it’s enough to give everyone an inferiority complex. Herewith, our top 10 boner-killing bugaboos.