Sharleen Joynt on Bachelor in Paradise: Episode 9

Opera singer Sharleen Joynt—fellow Canuck, FLARE columnist and former Bachelor contestant—shares her take on the television gold that is BIP

bachelor in paradiseJade called Samantha “Sammi” in an ITM this week, making me suspect Samantha has been carefully rebuilding the female friendships she burned upon her arrival. And indeed, Samantha’s big move last night was clearly another attempt to preserve her image, but what bothered me was that it was disguised as a gesture to rid the group of some cancer. (Such a selfless, benevolent soul, that Samantha.) Of course I can’t speak for Samantha’s behavior outside of Paradise, but her ongoing acts of self-preservation, inability to take responsibility, and brutal dismissal of Joe speak volumes. It’s hard to forget Joe’s most villainous moments, but I loved his verbal smackdown of her after she sent him packing. Who didn’t cheer the tiniest bit when he finally said, “I deserve better”?

I’m confused by Dan. I have to assume he’s had his eye on Samantha since she arrived in episode 5 (the same week Amber arrived) but I understand she was promptly “peed on” by Joe. However, since then, with the ups and downs of Jomantha, what was Dan waiting for? It’s clear based on this episode that he was never that into Amber, so I’m struggling with this man’s sense of timing. Were there not better moments to throw Joe under the bus, like say, after Samantha dumped Joe on his birthday? Or how about amidst one of their “many good conversations”? I know all too well how editing can conveniently rearrange the chronology of events, but Dan unquestionably made his “move” (if you can call it that) the night of the rose ceremony. So, either a producer got in his ear about how he should go after the woman he wants, or he really did become afraid to leave Paradise—not long after turning down Amber and saying he would be fine with leaving.

Quiz time! Ladies, if a man were to stop you on the street with the intention of hitting on you, which approach would you prefer: The stranger who says “I think you’re beautiful and just had to meet you,” or the one who says, “Hi there, how’s your day going?” For me, I’d hands-down prefer the former and I’d wager most women would agree with me. It’s not about the compliment, nor is one more polite than the other. It’s that directness is a gift, leaves little to misinterpretation and saves time for everyone. When a man approaches with the latter, we feel like conceited for assuming he’s hitting on us, when nine times out of 10, he is. Men, just tell us what you want so we can properly assess the situation!

Case in point, Dan. I get the feeling that Dan’s game with women is extremely passive. Let’s consider his relationship with Ashley S., where his approach entailed hopping in an ambulance with her. Sweet, yes, but not exactly a clear-cut “I wanna date you” either. His losing interest in Ashley S was equally vague; she was moody and got angry for something? Add Amber, who came specifically looking to meet Dan and who took him on her date. Their first kiss took place because locals chanted “KISS!!!” Ever since then, there’s been very little action with them. Amber says they’ve been moving slow, while Dan apparently was never interested. Now we have Samantha, the “filet mignon” to Joe’s “generic ketchup” (ouch!), whom Dan claims to really like. (I assume he’s peppercorn sauce.) He whisks her off to the canopied beach bed where every relationship tête-à-tête seems to happen, but instead of just coming out with his feelings, he rehashes more of the same shit about Joe that we already know. Still no directness, no assertion, and certainly no “I wanna date you.” Dan, you’re attractive and seem to be well-liked by everyone; don’t make it about Joe, make it about YOU.

In the past I’ve made much fun of Chris Bukowski for his several stints on this franchise. That said, I met him in person for the first time early this year and have only good things to say. He’s sharp, well-mannered and endearingly self-effacing. Why he drank his second Paradise experience down the toilet I don’t know, but I do know no Bachelor spinoff is complete without his appearance.

Bachelor in Paradise:
Sharleen Joynt on Bachelor in Paradise: Episode 1
Sharleen Joynt on Bachelor in Paradise: Episode 2
Sharleen Joynt on Bachelor in Paradise: Episode 3
Sharleen Joynt on Bachelor in Paradise: Episode 4
Sharleen Joynt on Bachelor in Paradise: Episode 5
Sharleen Joynt on Bachelor in Paradise: Episode 6
Sharleen Joynt on Bachelor in Paradise: Episode 7
Sharleen Joynt on Bachelor in Paradise: Episode 8

Ask Sharleen:
How Do I Get Back in the Game After Years Spent Single?
Why Is my BF Icing Me Out on Social?
How Do I Get Out of the Friend Zone?

All Things Bachelorette:
Read All of Sharleen Joynt’s  Recaps of The Bachelorette
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The Best Twitter Reactions to The Bachelorette finale
37 Questions a Bachelorette Must Ask Herself Before Sex
The Ultimate Bachelor Match-up: Who They SHOULD Have Picked
Quiz: The Bachelorette—or Chris Harrison’s Romance Novel?
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