You know the gal. For every boardroom victory, there’s a celebration-induced hangover. She’s the resident shoulder-to-cry-on, but her own personal life is a commitment-wary cycle of first dates. She’s a trainwreck with her sh*t together in some ways but off the rails in others, and whether you are one or know one, we’ve all been one.
In honour of Amy Schumer’s new movie Trainwreck (in theatres July 17), we’ve rounded up the most memorable fictional female disasters from the big and small screen in all their zero-effs-giving, walk-of-shaming, bill-avoiding, choosing-to-be-single, refusing-to-grow-up glory.
1. Abbi and Ilana on Broad City
Trainwreck Factors: Abbi and Ilana are the ultimate twenty-something lady-slackers whose energy goes predominantly to avoiding work or clumsily trying to clean up romantic foibles, usually to hilarious results. We just can’t get enough of their weed-smoking, responsibility-avoiding ways. They remind us of our totally-not-together
former selves and we love them for it.
Trainwreck Rating: 6/10. They don’t have career goals, romantic lives, or perfect mani-pedis, but they have each other through thick and thin and a (usually) healthy best friendship does not a Category 1 disaster make.
2. Hannah Horvath on Girls
Trainwreck Factors: When we first meet Hannah, she’s a career-intern living in Brooklyn entirely on her parents’ dime who promptly throws a tantrum when they cut her off financially. (Let’s not forget that scenario ends with Hannah waking up in her parents’ empty hotel room and taking the cash that was left as a tip for housekeeping. #Classy). She’s also in a pseudo-relationship with freaky artist Adam who likes to act out sketchy fantasies that she readily obliges, putting her own sexual satisfaction dead-last. Hannah’s guy-pleasing, financially dependent, and all-around failure to launch behaviour is classic early-twenties trainwreck.
Trainwreck Rating: 5/10. Hannah (and Adam) grow up considerably over the show’s four seasons and, for that, she’s not a top-rated TW.
3. Carrie Bradshaw on Sex and the City
Trainwreck Factors: The OT (Original Trainwreck) with a
heart closet of gold, Carrie Bradshaw is a wreck in both matters of the heart (Big, Aiden, Big, Aiden, Burger, The Russian…) and the wallet. And while SATC enthralled a generation of ladies with its soapy romanticization of female friendships (cosmos! stilettos!), Carrie was arguably kind of a crap friend a lot of the time too.
Trainwreck Rating: 7/10. She had her redeeming moments but overall, Carrie’s self-involved, reckless, and spend-happy ways make her a TW to remember.
4. Annie Walker in Bridesmaids
Trainwreck Factors: Kristen Wiig’s turn as down-on-her-luck Annie Walker was not just hilarious, but honest. Annie’s got a severe case of TW complete with a failed dream bakery, dead-end job, crap car, Guy That Only Calls For Sex (hi Jon Hamm!), and nightmare adult roommates. You wanted to shake her at times and were filled with deep empathy at others—much like the real feelings we have towards the trainwrecks we know and love.
Trainwreck Rating: 8/10. Annie’s has a lot to overcome (including Helen) but she’s got a good heart.
5. Elizabeth Halsey in Bad Teacher
Trainwreck Factors: Cameron Diaz’s character Elizabeth Halsey drinks heavily, swears like a sailor, is perenially hungover, puts in the bare minimum at her job, and has a singular life goal: marry rich. She’s more than just a bad teacher, she’s a pretty bad person.
Trainwreck Rating: 9/10. With few redeeming qualities, Elizabeth’s almost a full TW, save the sleek outfits and styled ‘dos.
6. Mavis Gary in Young Adult
Trainwreck Factors: 2011’s Young Adult casts Charlize Theron as Mavis Gary, a 37-year-old alcoholic divorcee who ghost-writes a soon-to-be-defunct young adult book series. Mavis moves back to her hometown in an attempt to reunite with her her now-happily-married dreamy high school BF, lying, scheming, and using the local nerd along the way.
Trainwreck Rating: 10/10. Mavis has opportunities for redemption but never sees them through.
The Best Twitter Reactions to the One Direction Daddy News
Meet the Celebrity Kids Who are Cooler Than Us All
6 Ways Lena Dunham Taught Us to Accept Ourselves
The Best and Worst of Inside Amy Schumer Season 3