The Kylie Jenner Cereal Controversy Is a Clear Sign of the Apocalypse

This is about so much more than milk

Credit: Getty

It is with great sadness that we must announce that civilization reached its nadir at approximately 9:12 p.m. on September 18, 2018. This all-time low was marked by a sign of The End Times that many have been on the lookout for, and it was this tweet:

How is this so sinister you ask? Shouldn’t we actually be feeling sorry for Kylie and her incredibly limited life experience? Shall we not support her in this journey as she explores a brave new world of highly-sugared unrefined carbohydrates floating in hormone-laced dairy product? And is it not our duty to introduce her to the *truly* life-changing magic of Rice Crispies? (SNAP CRACKLE AND POP 4 LYF)

Friends, it is not the content of this tweet that signals the end of civilization as we know it. Nay, it is the response to it. At the time of writing, it was edging up to 100,000 likes, and had generated nearly 17,000 comments. Sure, a 21-year-old revealing that never in her life has she ever thought to pair her cereal with milk is an interesting thing, but *that* interesting? The most bizarre thing is that in all of the discourse (lol) surrounding this tweet, no one is asking the real question, which is this: What happened to suddenly make her change her ways?

In all seriousness, and at the great risk of sounding like that cranky old guy who lives in the darkest corner of most comments sections, what this all says about the state of the world RN is a little bit sad. Not because sharing our experiences and deep-diving into cereal best practices aren’t worthy pursuits, but for this (of *all* the things happening in the world right now) to be such a focus says a lot about where our collective minds are at. We’re all clearly in need of a distraction, a break from all of the heavy things, and perhaps thinking about cereal is the mental palate cleanser we all need right now. I’s truly a worrisome state of affairs, and, jokes aside, a harbinger of a potentially scary world where we all disengage and just eat Capn’ Crunch as the world burns around us.

I just hope the Four Horseman bring almond milk, because some of us are lactose intolerant around here.


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