Spooky Fact: Women Have Nipples On Halloween & Every Other Day of the Year

Did you know women have nipples, even on Halloween?

Kim Kardashian dressed up as Aaliyah for Halloween; Inline image.

(Photo: Splash)

Few things are scarier than a future where Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are back together and Khloe and Kylie both have offspring roaming around (don’t @ me.) But this Halloweekend proved there are some even spookier things going on in the realm of female biology, according to the press: namely, womens’ *GULP* nipples. The female body continues to be terrifyingly unpredictable, and the world will not stand for it.

Or, at least, they can’t stop talking about it.

Over the weekend, Kim Kardashian pulled out all the stops and dressed up as the late musician Aaliyah. In a video the reality star posted to Twitter, we get the classic once-over of her hot AF ’fit and, low and behold, we catch a glimpse of her areola. Personally, our fave part of the video is when she kinda realizes what’s going to happen within first few seconds and then is basically just like, f*ck it. A little nip slip never hurt nobody.

But Kim K. is not the only woman carelessly showing off what biologically every mammal (men, too!) dares to have. Just last week, our fave Chrissy Teigen had the audacity to suffer a wardrobe malfunction, for which she sarcastically apologized and had her assistant delete. Singer Zara Larsson is another member of the #NipSlipSquad—she was called out for not shielding her breasts from society’s tender eyes… a.k.a. not wearing a bra. You know, that article of clothing that’s completely, 100 per cent optional? It says something about our society that we’re quicker to talk about her nipple piercing, rather than her singing talent.

Hollywood businesswomen like Kardashian, Teigen and Larsson (and don’t even get us started on Bella Thorne) are some of the scariest women of all. Why? Because they shamelessly expose their nipples on social media and they AREN’T EVEN SORRY ABOUT IT.

Society is slowly figuring out that women actually have nipples on Halloween and even sometimes on other days of the year—and we’re not sure if we’re not here for it, or just want to check out of this galaxy completely.

A character from the original series Star Trek looking surprised

(Source: Giphy)

In this day and age, you’d think female anatomy would no longer be that shocking. But here we are, in 2017, surprised to see even a hint of nipple. The problem is this: women’s bodies continue to be hyper-sexualized and controlled by the male gaze, which dictates when it’s acceptable and unacceptable for women to “expose” themselves. It’s okay for women to bare their bodies if a man requests or pays for it. It’s not okay, however, for women to be in charge of their own sexualities, or dictate their own boundaries.

This is how rape culture functions. We call out women for putting their bodies on display, intentionally or not, and equate that to their character. It’s just one method the patriarchy employs to perpetuate the idea that women are at fault for being looked at, touched, groped, etc. non-consensually. The irony of these nip slip reactions arriving in the wake of Harvey Weinstein and James Torback is not lost on us.

We live in a world where a quick Google search produces millions of photos of the dreaded nip slip (3,040,000 hits to be exact) and the same subject inspires entire photo galleries for those eager enough to click through. We operate within this dichotomy of being desired, but only on the terms of our oppressors. Let’s get one thing straight: women’s bodies are not offensive, on purpose or by accident.

It’s a slippery slope society is sliding down. First, nipples. What’s next, belly buttons? We’ve been showing those off for years thanks to the ’90s crop top! Do you think the #NipSlipSquad has meetings about which part of their body they’re going to show off next? How dare they be so… So… Autonomous!

The Brain saying, "The same thing we do every night, Pinky, try to take over the world!"

(Source: Giphy)

Stay tuned for when the world discovers that women also have vaginas. We’ll be over here, rolling our eyes, wondering when society will catch up with the rest of us.


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