Katy Perry just got super candid, and her raw honesty is making us understand her in a new light.
Over the weekend, Perry had an emotional therapy session as part of her 72-hour Big Brother-esque live-streaming project, Witness World Wide, where she opened up about past suicidal thoughts, her relationship with alcohol and the pressures of living in the public eye. “I feel ashamed that I would have those thoughts, feel that low and that depressed,” the 32-year-old told Dr. Siri Singh, host of Viceland’s The Therapist. “I’m human and I’m living under this crazy microscope.”
During the hour-long session, the singer, sporting a blonde and pink pixie cut, said she struggles with the public persona she’s created, calling it “more of a facade,” and revealed she wants be seen as Katheryn Hudson (her birth name).
“People talk about my hair, and how they don’t like it, or wish that it was longer,” she said. “I so badly want to be Katheryn Hudson that I don’t even want to look like Katy Perry anymore sometimes. And that is a little bit of why I cut my hair, because I really want to be my authentic self. It hurts when I don’t feel like I can.”
The pressure to maintain the pop-culture persona has, in the past, caused the “Dark Horse” singer to rely on alcohol to help mask her “inauthenticity” and be “on” at social events. She wrote about her dangerous relationship with drinking in her new song, “Dance With the Devil.”
“Sometimes I felt like I would have to have a couple of drinks to go somewhere, because a) I’m Katy Perry—so it would be hard to be tired—or it would be hard to be like, not witty,” she said.
Perry has been non-stop live-streaming herself on YouTube since Friday—the day her new album Witness dropped—to promote the record. Over the course of the weekend, Perry played “Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts” with James Corden, practiced yoga and cooked with Gordon Ramsay. On Monday, Perry will end the livestream with a free concert in L.A. for 1,000 lucky fans.
While most of the “Witness World Wild” segments have been less serious than her therapy session, Perry shared that opening up to someone has been something she’s been doing for five years, adding, “It’s changed my life.”
“There’s been such healing because of therapy,” she said. “I’m so grateful for it.”