The Taylor Swift and Katy Perry saga continues with another surprise move by one of the slighted pop stars. And this time, the lady in question seems to be taking the high road, but you’ll have to forgive me if I seem a little cynical about the sudden act of charity. Fresh off Taylor’s savage Spotify burn—the currently out-of-the-spotlight singer just happened to release her entire musical catalogue to all streaming sites ON THE SAME DAY Perry dropped her new album Witness—Perry appeared on The Thrive Global Podcast with host Arianna Huffington and offered T-Swift forgiveness… and an apology.
“I am ready to let it go. I forgive her and I’m sorry for anything I ever did, and I hope the same from her. I think it’s actually, like, I think it’s time. There are bigger fish to fry, and there are real problems in the world. You know what I’m saying?”
Um, yes, there sure are bigger fish to fry, but until, oh, three days ago, the only fish Perry seemed to toss on the grill were Petty en Papillote and Filet-O-Blame. First, it came out that Perry had worked on a track with Swift’s ex Calvin Harris—a move the internet deemed majorly shady. Then she released the single “Swish Swish” which sounded a hell of a lot like a bunch of digs against her nemesis. Most recently, she confirmed the long-rumoured beef and straight-up told The Late Late Show’s James Corden that T-Swift “started it.” In the words of every mom ever—I don’t care who started it—one of these grown-ass women should have finished it long ago.
And don’t get me started on Swifty! She’s been basically a recluse since her ill-fated romance with Tom Hiddleston imploded last summer and she comes out of hiding last week to pull the pettiest move ever—expertly petty, yes, and something that all scammers can aspire to, sure, but lowdown and dirty all the same. And to what end? To win the saddest feud of all time that started like five years ago over back-up dancers? If Perry was frying fish for an elevated summer BBQ, Swift got out her chef whites and whipped up a six-tier premium seafood platter with that move.
But offering her frenemy forgiveness and an apology wasn’t all Perry came to do on the podcast. She also deployed a rarely used line that has a 100-percent success rate of pissing the other injured party off: the passive-aggressive “I love you.”
“I love her, and I want the best for her and I think she’s a fantastic songwriter, and I think that if we, both her and I, can be representatives of strong women that come together despite their differences, I think the whole world is going to go like, ‘Yeah, well we can do this.’ I don’t know,” she continued on the June 10 podcast. “Maybe I don’t agree with everything she does, and she doesn’t agree with everything I do, but I just really, truly want to come together in a place of love and forgiveness and understanding and compassion.”
We’re here for women coming together “despite their differences” but even this message reeks of insincerity. Can we accept that Perry and Swift have both behaved like petty brats who def do not love each other and move on? ‘Cause at this point, I barely even remember what their music sounds like, hbu?