People magazine’s annual Hollywood’s Hottest Bachelors issue is on newsstands today. But the celeb magazine may be in need of some modern fine-tuning.
Take the issue’s cover stud and top pick Joe Manganiello, the whisky-voiced werewolf Alcide on True Blood, for example. While there’s no doubt that Manganiello possesses the jawline and the abdominal fortitude of a Hollywood hunk—you could bounce a Dodge Ram off his core—after reading his quotes, we’re left a little… underwhelmed.
Here’s one gem that kind of takes the shine off those burnished abs: “I am part Sicilian. I am passionate. I am a hot-blooded person. If you don’t like spicy, then maybe I’m not for you.” No, spicy is great. It’s clichéd lines that we find off-putting.
The interview gets even sillier from there—so much so that we began to wonder if the actor was pulling some kind of Sacha Baron Cohen-type satire on the whole enterprise. Says Manganiello: “I’m big into smell. It’s funny I got cast as a werewolf. There’s something about the smell on that part of a woman’s neck where it meets the jaw, Ahhhh! It’s heaven.”
We’re not the only ones to receive People’s hottest bachelors with tepid hesitation. The gals over at Cosmo drew our attention to Usher’s view of the perfect kiss (he’s at No. 5). “The wetter the better,” he told People. We know, we know—we just reflexively wiped our mouths too. About a hundred thousand times.
People, next year can you vet the candidates a little more thoroughly? Or maybe just devote the entire issue to Prince Harry, who is ranked faaaaaar too low at No. 10.