J-Law’s Amazon Wedding Registry Is so Confusing

We don't buy it (and, TBH, we won't be buying anything *from* it either)

(Photo: Getty Images; Illustration: Joel Louzado)

ICYMI, actress Jennifer Lawrence is getting married (or may be secretly already married…who knows?).

Wondering what a mega-famous actress desires to kick off her marital life? Well, muse no further. Lawrence is the latest celeb to share her wedding registry with us plebes, following in the steps of newlywed Priyanka Chopra and partnering with Amazon to share her picks for what every blushing-bride-to-be needs in “Jennifer Lawrence’s Wedding Registry Guide.” TBH, we’re seriously confused about this partnership for *many* reasons.  And we have a few questions: Like, what exactly is she promoting? And why does she want me to hate my life?

It seems fake as hell

OK, so, to clarify: Amazon isn’t giving us an all-access pass to Lawrence’s  personal wedding registry. (But seriously, J-Law, leak that list!) The idea behind the collab is that the Mother! actress has carefully *pored* over Amazon’s wares and thoughtfully curated a list of her favourite things for newlywed life. Which is a lovely image, but also BS.

Do you expect me to believe that Oscar-winning actress Jennifer Lawrence is asking for—let alone buying—an $8.77 bottle of drugstore cream FOR HER WEDDING?!?


Don’t insult my intelligence, Jennifer!

She probably *only* lathers her body in bougie $460 anti-aging cream, as I assume all famous actresses—and close friend Kim Kardashian—do. She probably has all her bath and wellness products specially curated by Poosh, and Kourtney would *never* touch Aveeno.

And guys, J-Law is not *just* an actress anymore—she is now also “Jennifer Lawrence, actress and philanthropist.” Which probably accounts for the one-eighty her personality seems to have taken, at least going by her quotes on the registry page. Even if it really *is* Lawrence behind the items on the registry, the quotes attributed to her 100% have to be from her teenage doppelgänger. Gone is the woman who tripped up the Oscars stairs, asked co-stars about their rashes on the red carpet, stripped naked in Kris Jenner’s closet and gave us gems like “As soon as somebody farts around me, I think it’s hilarious… You cup it, and then you throw it in someone’s face and say ‘Take a bite out of that cheeseburger!'” She has been replaced by a woman who says things like “Cooking for two is always more fun!”

Which, maybe it is. I just cannot picture her saying that.

And, like, a seriously weird way to stay relevant

While Lawrence’s collaboration with Amazon does have a pretty badass, philanthropic angle to it—as part of the collab, the actress is making a donation to Amazon Conservation, a non-profit organization dedicated to to protecting the Amazon Rainforest—we have to wonder: Are wedding registries becoming the new way for celebs to stay relevant? Hey, celebrity men like Aaron Paul and Ryan Reynolds made the foray into alcohol brands when their careers were on the DL, so why wouldn’t women make a similar leap and market their nuptials?

But, TBH, the whole idea of marketing your wedding feels like kind of a weird way to keep your name out there, especially considering how private Lawrence has been about her relationship with fiancé Cooke Maroney. And the marketing is somewhat lacking on Amazon’s part too. Why not include an interview with Lawrence about her favourite things to have at home or why she loves a few of these particular products? Something that shows us that the actress actually uses them.

And, also, what *exactly* is Amazon marketing? Because I’m getting some serious Midsommar Swedish-cult vibes from their promo image of Lawrence.

It’s just another way for me to feel bad about myself, TBQH

While some celeb-fronted wellness and lifestyle brands, like Blake Lively’s short-lived Preserve, are meant to be aspirational, they often just highlight what you don’t—and sometimes can’t—have. Maybe intentionally so. In a July 2018 profile in The New York Times Magazine, Goop overlord Gwyneth Paltrow herself said that the brand wasn’t meant to be aspirational at all and that good things cost money. If you can’t afford it, it doesn’t mean that others who can shouldn’t have it.

So although Lawrence’s gift registry was probably intended to have the opposite effect by being accessible to a larger group of people, it still gives me the same feeling I get when scrolling through Goop’s exorbitantly priced products: kind of bad. We *know* Lawrence probably isn’t saying “namaste” on a cork yoga mat from Amazon—she most likely has a gold-encrusted yoga mat for every day of the week! OK, probably not, but the idea is that she could. So having her curate a list of things that she clearly doesn’t use seems fake, and it comes across like the actress is just pandering to us common folk.

But, hey, I could probably use a new set of champagne saucers.


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