Summer flings tend to burn bright, but they are often brief. Normally there’s nothing wrong with that—a torrid summer romance, even if short-lived, can make you feel carefree, young and self-confident.
“Summer flings are good for your health!” says Esther Kane, a registered clinical counselor and therapist based in Courtenay, BC. “The passion of romance is good for your body, mind, and spirit.”
But what if you think this fling has the potential to outlast that beach house rental? Here are five FLARE-approved ways to try taking it to the next level.
#1 BE HONEST ABOUT WANTING TO SEE HIM IN SEPTEMBER
A couple of signs your affair may outlast Labour Day? “You see potential for a longer-term relationship and both of you want to pursue it further. And you can’t imagine not being with him once summer’s over,” says Kane.
Be honest: first to yourself, then to him. Would you really miss him if you parted ways, or would you miss the youthful feeling of freedom associated with a no-strings romance?
If you truly do want to keep seeing him, then tell him so. Your talk should be short and (hopefully) sweet, and doesn’t have to be a long convo about exclusivity – just a baseline question: does he want to keep seeing you, too?
Getting your answer upfront allows you to make plans – with or without him.
#2 START SHARING FRIENDS
If you’re really into a new man, get in tight with his buds. If they like you, they’ll talk you up. And while no, you don’t need their approval to carry on a relationship with him, having your own embedded PR team is always a plus. Why wouldn’t you want his pals reminding him how hot/smart/funny/awesome you are?
Also, the more friends in common you have, the easier it is to get together for social events in the early pre-serious-couple stage of your new relationship. So plan a blowout summer party and get your girls and his guys together, then keep your new social network humming with fall dinner parties, pub hops and club nights.
#3 KEEP THE SEX FRESH
Don’t let a return to work or school put a damper on your sex life. We know, easier said than done, but where possible, aim to capture the novelty and spontaneity of vacation sex.
If you shared a beach house, cottage or hotel room with friends, you probably had to sneak away to find places to get intimate; bring that location-scouting creativity home with you.
Try making love in the morning or on lazy afternoons. Stay up late without worrying about being tired at work. (Honestly, you’re probably going to be a bit sleepy at 3pm anyway, so it may as well be because you had three orgasms last night, right? Drink a coffee.)
#4 TAKE IT EASY AND JUST CHILL
Don’t get anxious about the calendar date. Just keep making relaxed plans for events you’ll both enjoy.
Good: “Hey, film fest is coming up. Do you want to catch that new Scorsese movie together?”
Bad: “Want to be my date for my university roommate’s wedding? It’s just a three-hour drive away and we can stay at an adorable little B & B I’ve always wanted to try. Hey, maybe we should make a detour to my hometown and see the house where I grew up…”
Summer flings are uncomplicated, so go slow and low-key to avoid spooking your new lover. Hopefully, you’ll discover additional common interests (besides your already-established mutual affinity for mojitoes and makeout sessions). “If you start to feel extremely comfortable together and that you have a great friendship as well as a romance,” you’re on the right path, says Kane.
#5 ENLIST HIS HELP
Sure, we know you can DIY your own Ikea bookcase, but consider texting a distress message to your summer BF asking him to grab a wrench and come help you with those damn hex screws. Most guys want to help a fair maiden in distress (especially if there’s a chance for sex afterwards).
Keep in mind, though, #5 is a pass or fail test for your relationship’s potential:
If he’s there for you, the long-range forecast is looking good, because, yes, he’s invested.
But if he’s got some lame excuse not to help, you also have your answer. In which case, heed it, and move on. “Don’t push for more than the relationship was, or you risk not enjoying the wonderful memories of what you experienced,” says Kane.
After all, even if your summer fling doesn’t turn into the “real thing,” that doesn’t make it any less exciting or memorable.