We’re going to give it to you straight: this Justin Bieber GQ interview is a goddamn treasure. Please go forth and read it—but first, a few highlights:
1. He REALLY regrets taking his monkey to Germany
In 2013, the German government confiscated Bieber’s monkey, Malley (pronounced Maul-lee), while he was on tour in Munich. He has never reclaimed Malley, for reasons the profile does not get into. However, he does feel real bad about it:
“Honestly, everyone told me not to bring the monkey. Everybody.”
He says this with such gravity that I burst out laughing. Bieber does not.
“Everyone told me not to bring the monkey. I was like, ‘It’s gonna be fine, guys!’ It was”—he shuts his eyes—“the farthest thing from fine.”’
2. He’s not super tight with his mom anymore
Patti Mallette, who raised Bieber as a single mom in Stratford, Ont., was been a big part of his rags-to-riches backstory. Now she lives in Hawaii.
“…the two had a falling-out sometime around 2014—around the same time Justin began appearing in mug shots—and stopped speaking. They’ve reconciled, tentatively, but she now lives on Kauai. Justin says he “doesn’t see her as much as I’d like to.””
3. He talks about marrying Hailey Baldwin
OK, so this is entirely hypothetical, but she is in his hotel room when Bieber brings the GQ writer around.
“What if Hailey ends up being the girl I’m gonna marry, right? If I rush into anything, if I damage her, then it’s always gonna be damaged. It’s really hard to fix wounds like that. It’s so hard.… I just don’t want to hurt her.”
4. He has a silky terrier named Esther
Esther has not, as of yet, been confiscated by the German government. Also, silky terriers, as we quickly learned from Google, look a hell of a lot like Yorkshire terriers.
“…Bieber calls out to one of his hulking bodyguards (“Yo, Mikey!”) and asks him to please bring his silky terrier, Esther, over to the cabana.”
5. He plans on getting another monkey some day, but he will NOT be bringing it to Germany
“Yeah, one day. Just gotta make sure I got a house and it stays in the f-cking house. I’m not gonna bring him to Germany or travel with it anymore. People are always like, ‘Why did you get a monkey?’ If you could get a monkey, well, you would get a f-cking monkey, too! Monkeys are awesome.”