Find out your parents are covert Russian spies…
Alex O’Connor (Gavin Stenhouse) has devoted his life to the CIA, only to discover—irony!—that his own parents have a sordid past as former secret operatives from Mother Russia. Now Mama (Hope Davis) and Papa (Scott Cohen, One Life to Live) have orders from the old country to turn their son into a terrorist, too.
…pretend to be half your age to get a good job?
No job. No man. Forty-year-old Liza (Tony-winning Bunheads star Sutton Foster) self-soothes with a younger dude, who pegs her as in her mid-20s—so the emboldened single mother gets a makeover and masquerades as a 26-year-old to land a publishing gig (alongside Hilary Duff). Sex and the City’s Darren Star writes and produces.
Be the only remaining person on the planet…
Going about your day in your underwear. Taking whatever you want from the grocery shelves. Helping yourself to a Van Gogh. Such is the life, circa 2022, of Will Forte (also making his debut as showrunner), who thinks he’s the last man on earth. Hopefully he’ll be joined by cast member January Jones before his hygiene gets too abhorrent.
…move in with a horrible hoarder (or an anal-retentive neat freak)?
Finished that 80-plus-hour Netflix binge of Friends? Don’t worry—the eternally charming modern-day Matthew Perry awaits you in this remake of the classic ’70s series. In a fun bit of casting against type, Perry’s playing the slob, Oscar Madison, while Thomas Lennon (Reno 911!) takes on the fussy, cleaning-obsessed Felix Unger.
Secretly loathe your BFF’s new spouse?
Ellen DeGeneres’ first sitcom production in over a decade explores the brave new world of non-traditional families. Lesbian Elisha Cuthbert gets knocked up by her straight BFF Nick Zano (What I Like About You), but co-parenting is complicated by his only-known-her-for-two-days Brit bride, Kelly Brook (Piranha 3D).
…be married to Jenny McCarthy?
Horrors abound in this reality show following newlyweds McCarthy and Wahlberg (bless). Sample McCarthyisms: “I love you so much I want to stick you in the microwave and watch you pop like popcorn and eat you slowly and then floss you out of my teeth,” and “I think a booger just flew out of my nose.”