This week’s HOUR-LONG episode—which we’re still v. v. v. bitter about—started on the tail end of last week’s cliff-hanger (surprise surprise). Nick hears a knock at his door and opens it (probs expecting/hoping it’s Corinne back for another attempted hook up) to see Andi standing there. And Nick (along with the rest of us) is like, “WTF!!”
Nick (hesitantly) invites Andi in and she’s all like, “Hey. Heard you were in town.” OK Andi let’s not pretend you showed up here all on your own. We’re not stupid—we know you probs got paid a good chunk of change to do this. Anyway, Nick fixes them some whiskey drinks (because according to Andi that’s the alcohol this convo calls for) and Andi immediately starts grilling Nick about his relationships.
Meanwhile the girls start arriving to the Rose Ceremony and Vanessa is crying an actual river over the “competition.” UGH, we’re sooo over her drama.
Corinne shows up in a v. chic fur jacket and for the first time ever, she actually looks sober at Rose Ceremony.
But back to Nick and Andi who are talking about Nick’s Fantasy Suite dates (is this for real?). Andi straight up asks Nick if he’s going to have sex with any of the girls and Nick’s like, “I think it would be amazing.” LOL. Of course you do, Nick. Then she continues to give Nick some fake-ass advice that the producers probs wrote for her and Nick’s just like, “cool but can you GTFO now” (he didn’t actually say that, but he defs wanted to).
After Andi gives Nick her “feminist rant” and says everything
the producers wanted her to she wanted to say, she finally leaves.
Literally all of us after watching Nick and Andi’s v. unnecessary chat: “THAT WAS SO DUMB.” We’re already so annoyed with this ep and we’re only 10 mins in.
Rose Ceremony Time! Nick *finally* shows up and is like, “Sorry for making you ladies wait, I know it’s cold I was just having some drinks with my ex.”
Raven and Rachel both get a rose. Serious question: How was this not the episode Rachel (a.k.a THE NEXT BACHELORETTE) was sent home? This is getting annoying.
Wait, Corinne is actually going home!? We kind of thought it might’ve been Vanessa because of her shitty hometown date. Plus we figured Nick def wanted to take Corinne to the Fantasy Suite.
Poor girl, her first sober Rose Ceremony and she gets sent home. Like, it makes sense but we’re actually v. shocked right now.
Corinne’s limo exit speech was probs our fave thing ever: “I’m done showing men how much I worship them…I need that!” You go girl! And then—in typical Corinne fashion—she says, “I’m done. I want to sleep.” It was the perfect way to say goodbye to Corinne (until BIP, hopefully).
And now, off to Finland! Finally they’re going somewhere actually cool and not just a basic Caribbean island.
Side note: Nick looks suuuper pumped about Finland…
You know how on every single episode of The Bachelor someone says “____ is the perfect place to fall in love!” no matter where they are? Finland actually looks like the perfect place to fall in love. Bring on the love Finland! Raven gets the first date and she meets Nick for a romantic helicopter ride.
K, this helicopter ride is literally picture perfect. Is Finland even real?
After making out for their entire helicopter ride, completely missing the #views, Nick and Raven go to a bar and start playing darts with some locals. The whole afternoon is just super chill and super cute. It looks like they’ve been dating for years.
They have some casual shots at lunch and then start chatting about what kinds of things they’re looking for in a future partner. And Nick’s just like, “as long as you can fold the laundry we good.” And then they start talking about how nervous they are for the Fantasy Suite. Which was kind of awkward, tbh.
HOLD UP. Did Raven just say she’s never had an orgasm before?? OMG pressure’s ONNNNN Nick.
Fast-forward to their dinner date: a.k.a Raven’s beautiful profession of love.
Raven finally gets over her nerves and tells Nick that she loves him. (Even though we’re still preeetty sure she already said it during the haunted mansion date). But it was honestly one of the best ILYs we’ve ever seen on the show and for the first time in a while Nick looked genuinely excited.
“I’m sweating, my hands are clammy, I need more wine.”—Raven after her profession of love to Nick. She’s so cute.
Then, Nick offers Raven the Fantasy Suite Card—she accepts and says, “I need to tell you two things first. 1. I’ve only been with one man and 2. I’ve never had an orgasm.”
*Camera pans to Nick who’s looking suuuper awkward* Also, Nick looks like a dorky white version of Drake in this turtleneck. What is he doing?
Raven and Nick get over the awkwardness and head to their Fantasy Suite for some cuddles (and hopefully for Raven a little more). UGH just look at them, they’re so freaking cute.
Umm, k wait it’s only 9:00 why are they already playing the “Coming Up Next Week”? There’s no way the episode is over. *Opens guide on TV* IT’S OVER!? WTH BACHELOR!? We’re going to stop it here before we go into a full on Summer Roberts-style rage blackout and say something we regret. But as Corinne would say, we literally can’t even right now.
Tune into The Bachelor Mondays on Omni at 8:00 EST/PST—and catch up on past episodes at www.omnitv.ca/the-bachelor.