I have to get this Kimberly thing off my chest. You know, the yoga instructor who returned at the end of last week’s Rose Ceremony and implored Chris to let her stay? Here’s the thing: While I believe it’s generally true that the squeaky wheel gets the grease, that doesn’t apply to romantic relationships.
I understand that Kimberly didn’t get a chance to talk to him that night and that the buildup-to-disappointment ratio was probably brutal. But if he really wanted to talk to her, he would have. And if he saw something in her despite not chatting, he would have kept her. End of story. I know it sounds harsh, but dignity is as fragile as it is vital. Sure, Kimberly’s squeak got grease in the form of about three days spent filming in the Bachelor mansion, one (humiliating—more on that later) group date, and countless top-shelf alcoholic beverages. One could argue that experience is priceless. (See what I did there?) But in exchange for that experience, she traded in her dignity and allowed herself to become a Bachelor series trope: the painfully desperate single woman. Whether or not she fills this profile is irrelevant. This show famously preys on and exploits women who appear that way and thus, I have little patience for those who allow it to happen to them. OK. Rant over.
This week also featured a horrifying group date turned one-on-one, a quintessential Bachelor helicopter ride one-on-one, and another group date involving paintball-shooting zombies at night (otherwise known as the BEST group date in Bachelor history, and I’m seriously jealous I didn’t get to do that).
My issue with the first group date is obvious: lure the girls out of their clothes under the guise of there being a pool party, only to then make them walk through the streets of Los Angeles in their bikinis? It would be one thing if they were walking to an activity that required bikinis. (News flash: they could still wear clothes to get there.) Also, I don’t know anything about tractors, but I can’t imagine it’s not more practical to drive one wearing clothes. The cherry on top was that, while the girls walked through the busy streets more than half naked, Chris was fully clothed. Makes total and complete sense, right?
I had no idea this recap would become a raging feministic rant, but Episode 2 gave me no choice, I swear!
My frontrunners this week are…
1. Britt, 27: If Britt doesn’t “win” this thing, mark my words, she will be the next Bachelorette. While I’m still not quite buying what she’s selling—meaning, I don’t know if I buy how into Chris she seems—she just has that “it” factor. When she’s onscreen, you’re looking at her. More importantly, Chris is obviously smitten, so she’s not going anywhere anytime soon.
2. Kaitlyn, 29: Our girl got the coveted group date rose! I spy the beginnings of something real between Kaitlyn and Chris. She’s still funny, but now she’s also proving to be a good conversationalist to boot. Plus, she pulls off ballsy magenta lipstick like nobody’s business.
3. Megan, 24: I did not see this coming, especially after the drunken bikini-clad breaking-and-entering of Chris’s digs. And while it seemed to me that all Megan uttered was a series of archetypal Bachelor drinking-game terms (including but not limited to multiple uses of “amazing,” “wrong reasons” and “leap of faith”), she did manage to share the tragic story of her father’s recent passing with composure (and not at all in an attention- or sympathy-seeking way). First one-on-one and its matching rose? Chris likes this.
4. Ashley I., 26: This mention is based more on screen time than any actual connection I see. Ashley has been prominently featured in both episodes, and her one-on-one time is always shown, for better or for worse. She provides great ITMs, though, so I’m all for her sticking around.
Catch up on previous recaps:
Sharleen Joynt on The Bachelor: Episode 1