Real Housewives of Toronto Feud #1: Kara vs. Roxy
Following last week’s “procedure party,” Kara is pissed because she thinks Roxy threw her to the wolves in front of the other wolves women (which—sorry Roxy—you totally did). The two old pals meet at the dog park to discuss what happened. Kara uses some B.S-y new wave language, but essentially what she’s saying is, we’ve been shopping buddies for two years, why the eff did you sell me out? Roxy gets defensive and Kara tells her that because she’s young she doesn’t understand the intricacies of being a corporate wife. Roxy snaps that she is not a corporate wife, but a corporate herself (she’s launching a closet sharing app this year). The heated back and forth boils over until they both storm off with Kara declaring that Roxy had better “fasten her seatbelt,” and Roxy declaring that she had to “deal with a lot more bitches in that dog park than [she] expected.” Zing!
Real Housewives of Toronto Feud #2: Ann vs. Tequila
As per the RHW rulebook, every episode must have a forced social gathering and this week it was a Mexican fiesta at a restaurant in Toronto, hosted by Roxy—who loves any excuse wear her Cavalli and drink fancy tequila. Ann, not so much. The group’s queen bee eludes to a drunken tequila night that has caused her to swear off the stuff forever. Roxy tells Ann that she will happily organize some wine for her instead. Because apparently she is as loyal to her favourite booze as she is to her old friends. Snap.
Real Housewives of Toronto Feud #3: Kara vs. Hens
The cameras accompany Kara and her husband on a date night. The two hold a lip lock for a very long time as Kara (via voiceover) explains that every time they kiss, they do so for a full ten seconds. She says it’s because pecks are for hens. Hens have yet to issue a rebuttal.
Real Housewives of Toronto Feud #4: Graham Alloway vs. The Point of the Show
Later on in date night, Kara explains to her hubby about the whole awkward encounter with Ann at last week’s procedure party—how she doesn’t understand why Roxy betrayed her and why she’s worried that Ann will think she is gossiping behind her back. Graham Alloway takes the radical position of normal human being, telling his wife that she’s making something out of nothing, before asking, “In the scheme of reality, does any of this stuff matter at all?” Clearly someone has a fundamental misunderstanding of what’s going on here…
Real Housewives of Toronto Feud #5: Kara vs. Ann
Since trumped up, inconsequential “drama” is the name of the game, Kara ignores her husband’s advice and invites Ann to meet her for coffee so that she can explain and apologize for the “face hickey scandal” (which is what Kara is now calling the botched procedure dramz that went down last week). They appear to bury the hatchet, although later Anne tells Jana that she wanted to pound Kara over into the ground with a mallet. First though, there is a super awkward scene where Ann objects to says that blaming a cosmetic mishap on the man who owns the clinic is like getting a manicure and then suing the president of Vietnam. Say what?????? While we struggle to find the sense in this comment, we’re almost certain it’s offensive.
Real Housewives of Toronto Feud #6: Ann vs. Molly
Ann enlists the help of her daughter Molly to help her choose an outfit for Roxy’s party. Unlike everyone else on the show, however, Molly is not interested in kissing her mom’s ass. Quite the opposite—when Ann holds out dress option number one, Molly asks her if she wants to look like “an Asian hooker.” (Does offensive cultural stereotyping run in the family?). The insults keep flying, until Molly asks Ann, “Don’t you have anything normal in your closet?” (Other than a surly teenager?).
Real Housewives of Toronto Feud #7: Kara vs. North American Galas
While the other women gather behind her back, Kara meets with two fancy Europeans (one is Lady Monika Bacardi) behind the fancy annual AMBI gala. They want her to join the committee for the event. Kara accepts, explaining to the cameras that galas on this side of the pond are terribly basic compared to galas in the south of France, which doesn’t actually make a lot of sense (since the AMBI Gala is in Toronto), but girlfriend needs a win, so let’s give her one.
Real Housewives of Toronto Feud #8: Ann and Jana vs. Underwear
In the limo en route to Roxy’s party, Ann tells Jana about her awkward coffee with Kara, and then reveals that she peaked under Jana’s skirt while she was cleaning up the glass from the shattered champagne flute at the procedure party (you had to be there), and noticed she was wearing bloomers. They both laugh because, seriously, who wears underwear unless “your vagina is hanging out from under your skirt.” Keep it classy, ladies.
Real Housewives of Toronto Feud #9: Joan vs. Feuds
If you have ever been a girl in high school, Roxy’s dinner party may feel eerily familiar. One person (Kara) doesn’t attend so everyone else spends the whole night gossiping about her. Except Joan won’t participate in the game of human piñata. Not because Kara is an established friend who deserves at least a smidge of loyalty—cough, cough, Roxy—but because can’t we all just get along? Answer: No Joan!! This is the Real Housewives.
Watch the Real Housewives of Toronto on Tuesdays at 10 p.m. ET on Slice. Then hit up FLARE.com every Wednesday for our weekly feud recap!
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