Entertainment

50 Times Seinfeld Technology Makes No Sense To Millennials

We're clutching our iPhones extra tight after a nine-season reminder of the time before they came along

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When Seinfeld went off the air, I was three years old. In the time since, I’ve caught a few reruns on early-morning TV, frantically googled Festivus (someone makes the joke every year) and followed “Seinfeld Current Day” (@seinfeld2000) on Twitter. But with nine seasons—and 180 episodes—staring me in the face, I was never quite ready to commit to a binge that big. Turns out, though, there are some pretty hardcore Seinfeld fans here at FLARE HQ who felt it was time I catch myself up. The plots totally hold up, they assured me, even after almost 20 years.

What doesn’t hold up? The technology. Sometimes it means the plots would never even happen now, other times it’s just a hilarious nonsensical visual. Here are 50 notable “huh?” moments that make zero sense to millennials:

1. “You don’t even know what hotel she’s staying at. You can’t call her!” Uhhhh…. if she had a cellphone you could. (S1E1)

2. His opening monologue is on women paying for everything by cheque. Who TF uses cheques?? (S1E2)

3. Jerry and Elaine are trying to rent VHS tapes. VHS = LOL. (S1E2)

4. Jerry’s trying to find the name of a woman from a party. I would just do some light FB creeping instead of staking out her office but, like, do you.(S1E2)

5. LOL again—Jerry has a VCR. As far as anachronisms go, this is pretty low-key, but still. (S1E3)

6. Jerry gets an answering machine stolen. (S1E3)

7. Kramer’s comically huge cellphone w/ antenna is gonna show up a whole bunch, but this is the first time I noticed it. (S1E4)

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8. “I’m really running out of excuses with this guy. I need some kind of excuse Rolodex.” WTF is a Rolodex? (S1E4)

9. Elaine goes to use Jerry’s phone to call and check her answering machine. (S1E4)

10. Elaine’s father gets a phone message from Elaine at a restaurant—delivered to him on a card, from a waiter. (S2E3)

11. George leaves a woman a bunch of increasingly panicked messages, then has to sneak into her apartment and change the CASSETTE in the answering machine. (S2E4)

12. An apartment in Jerry’s building is going for $400 a month (!!!). They do say it’s a bargain, but STILL. (S2E5)

13. Jerry and Elaine spend, like, seven minutes working out how to be FWB…why do I feel like that wouldn’t happen now? Do it or don’t, w/e. (S2E9)

14. Jerry struggling with cable/TV antennas…uhh, heard of shomi? (S2E10)

15. Jerry’s opening monologue is about a payphone. (S2E11)

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16. George has to call his gf (on a public phone, no less) and tell her where they are. Like, text her! And then he has to have her call the restaurant…yikes. (S2E11)

17. They didn’t write down what floor their car was parked on because no one had a pen. I woulda just snapped a quick pic with a camera phone. (S3E6)

18. They lose Jerry in the parking garage. If only they could text. (S3E6)

19. Jerry gets a recording on a literal #tape recorder. (S3E8)

20. CAR PHONE. (S3E11)

21. Kramer pitches a cologne that smells like you smell when you come from the beach. Has Bobbi Brown not covered this already? (S3E14)

22. George pretends to have applied at a fake company but then Elaine asks for an address. Coulda Googled! (S3E17)

23. George is pretending to be O’Brien (a Nazi author…long story) but his fans have never seen a photo. Coulda Googled, part 2! (S3E19)

24. Kramer’s using the payphone in his building. (S4E1)

25. George and Jerry have a tiff over not having change for a payphone. (S4E2)

26. They’re struggling with directions to the police station. Maybe I just rely too heavily on Google Maps, but this seems avoidable. (S4E2)

27. Jerry didn’t bring directions to the Bubble Boy’s house. GOOGLE MAPS. (S4E7)

28. The entire plot is them trying to sort out movie plans/find each other through the dark. Never would have happened with cellphones. (S4E14)

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29. Jerry gets, like, VERY excited about getting a two-line phone as a gift. (S4E17)

30. Elaine accidentally hired an awful mohel for their friends’ baby’s bris. Yelp reviews might have come in handy. (S5E5)

31. Kramer/George and Jerry/Elaine are kept apart by double-parked car drama. Sure wish they had cellphones…(S5E13)

32. Elaine has a hilariously old-school personal organizer. (S5E14)

33. Elaine keeps getting calls at her boss’ house, who is noooot pleased that she gave his number out. Like, send a text. (S6E3)

34. Jerry’s grandmother gets into all kinds of hijinks trying to get to the bank. Luh you, online banking. (S6E3)

35. There’s a whole plot around George and Donna Chang’s phone lines being crossed. a) What? and b) how? (S6E4)

36. Kramer’s fixing George up with a woman…doesn’t have a photo….so they get a police sketch artist to draw her?! Feeling v. grateful for Facebook. (S6E16)

37. My jaw straight up DROPPED when George and Jerry had a whole convo about how they’ve never seen squeeze-bottle ketchup. The ’90s were a dark time! (S6E17)

38. This entire episode revolves around arranging a wake-up call for a visiting athlete. Bless you, iPhone. (S7E5)

39. I really think the whole Soup Nazi snafu could have been avoided if only they just used UberEats. (S7E6)

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40. Kramer starts imitating the “MoviePhone” update line—something that would never exist with Google. (S6E8)

41. The whole mix-up involving George’s (somewhat seductively posed) film photos would be supes unlikely these days thanks to being able to handpick nudes from your camera roll. (S8E5)

42. George gets really into books on tape. ON. TAPE. (S8E6)

43. Who is out here paying for bodega groceries with **cheques**? Jerry Seinfeld, I guess. (S8E11)

44. Dating a video store employee because of their staff picks is actually cute (or it least it was until he turned out to be a teenager), but would neeeever happen now. (S8E13)

45. Jerry didn’t know the woman he was eyeing got divorced and then engaged. “I’ve gotta get on that Internet, I’m late on everything!” True. (S8E19)

46. I wouldn’t be buying a computer (and hah, how old-school are they?) from Frank Costanza’s garage…or anyone’s, for that matter. (S9E3)

47. Catalogues haven’t completely disappeared, but they’re way less common than those annoying spam emails. I guess at least spam doesn’t take up space on the coffee table? (S9E5)

48. TFW Jerry gets all impressed over e-mail… (S9E8)

49. All the lols at that calculator-esque personal organizer. (S9E15)

50. Elaine: “I don’t have a fax machine.” SAME, GIRL. And ugh, that noise. (S9E19)

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