Dear li’l Brooklyn Beckham,
It’s only been a week since your first-ever tat, and you’ve gone and got inked again. Don’t you have a babysitter? This time, thankfully, you chose a less problematic design than the Indigenous Chief in a headdress you got on your forearm, and went with a hyper-realistic illustration of a camera on your inner arm. While the art itself is impressive (Doctor Woo is real talented), I must ask: what the hell were you thinking?
The design, I assume, is an ode to your love of photography. I get it; I, too, enjoy taking selfies. But no matter how much you want to express your commitment to your passion, getting a second tattoo mere days after your first?! Bad decision, my friend. You’re on a slippery slope.
First of all, YOU ARE SO YOUNG! You have your entire life to cover your body with dumb things. Since you just turned 18, I know you probably feel like you know yourself, and will never regret your ink. And hey, maybe you won’t! You are technically an adult now and have the right to do whatevs. But as someone who once nearly got the Eiffel Tower tattooed on their lower back, I can tell you that your mind often changes as you age—as does your taste.
Your dad, David Beckham, is presumably the main inspiration behind your sudden body modifications. But let’s be real: most of his 40-plus tattoos are pretty poorly thought-out and he is amassing a pretty impressive amount of cultural appropriation on that bod. He has your mom’s name in Sanskrit on his arm that incorrectly translates to “Vihctoria,” instead of “Victoria.” He also has a Chinese proverb on his rib cage that apparently translates to “Death and life have determined appointments. Riches and honour depend on heaven.” WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! (But seriously, do you know what it means? E-mail me.)
Dad also has some v. offensive tattoos—like the one you copied last week. I know you probs meant well by getting the same Chief as your pop, but the design is racist, and hopefully by now you’ve started to understand why. Look up to your pops—he’s hella hot and super-talented—but you don’t need to do everything that he does. Be smarter with your decisions and don’t go any further down the cultural appropriation path.
There’s also real harm in getting too many tattoos too fast. Just look at Justin Bieber. The Biebs started getting inked at 16, and with all the cash flow and half-baked ideas at his disposal, he’s become the poster boy for bad tattoos. Now, with more than 50 terrible designs, his bod is forever damaged. It’s a real tragedy.
While you’ve yet to return my calls (rude), I plead with you: save yourself now. Two tattoos are enough for the rest of the month. Heck, they’re enough for the rest of the year. Let your body heal, your mind mature, and really take some time before you get your next tat. And while your current dirty-looking ‘stache isn’t great either, at least that can be shaved—your growing collection of tattoos is permanent.