Dakota Johnson Responded to Pregnancy Rumours—But We’re *Still* Skeptical

All signs point to this duo hiding Hollywood’s next bebes

Chris Martin and Dakota Johnson pictured against a purple background

Over the weekend, rumours swirled that longtime lovers Dakota Johnson and Chris Martin are expecting a B-A-B-Y. That’s right: the Fifty Shades of Grey actor and Coldplay frontman are allegedly with nugget. The speculation of a potential babe on board was fueled when the pair appeared to host a gender-reveal shaker in Malibu.

The duo responded pretty immediately: According to Johnson’s rep she is NOT preggers, and the party was in celebration of her 29th birthday. BUT, TMZ‘s photos beg to differ: The images circulating around the world wide web show blue and pink balloons filling the sky at the star-studded affair. Colour us convinced there’s a set of twins cookin’, and we’re not ruling out names of the Kale or Mango variety.

Join us as we unpack every shred of perfectly legit supporting evidence:

The Ellen Show: Johnson appeared on The Ellen Show in a tight-fitting outfit and informed the world that she is only “pregnant with a lot of really good ideas” whilst awkwardly laughing and squirming in her seat. The appearance appeared to be a last-minute decision, amid peak pregnancy rumours, since the star didn’t even have time to take off her massive temporary arm tattoo. Later in the interview DeGeneres asks about baby names and Johnson IMMEDIATELY starts nervously playing with her hair, nice freakin’ try Dakota.

“29th Birthday”: The birth year of 29 is not exactly a number one celebrates to this extravagance—21st, 25th, 30th, sure but all this “birthday bliss” screams “cover-up.”

The Guest List: Important members of both Johnson’s and Martin’s clan were present and defs ready to rub the tum. Guests included Johnson’s parental unit Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson, plus longtime pals Julia Roberts and Sean Penn.

The Balloons: Who in their right mind chooses an arch of light pink and baby blue balloons past the age of six?! These are the classic makings of a gender-reveal event.

View this post on Instagram

About tonight🛸 Sky over Malibu 🚀

A post shared by MELANIE (@melaniegriffith) on

Notoriously Silent: Per their wildly private lifestyle, Johnson and Martin have never actually proclaimed their love story to the world. To date, Johnson has only ever confirmed her ’ship with Martin on the most cryptic of terms. In a recent interview with Tatler, the star semi-addressed her supposed romance saying, “I’m not going to talk about it, but I am very happy.” We got you, girl, LOUD AND CLEAR.

Matching Tattoos: As of early September, the pair has been spotted donning matching infinity sign tattoos—Johnson’s below her elbow and Martin’s on his forearm. If you’re asking me (and I understand nobody really is), a couple willing to go under the needle together are envisioning a future together. A newborn and the most *casual* symbol for FOREVER seem to fit that bill.

The BFF Instagram: Johnson’s amigo Addison Timlin took to Instagram to shout out her BFF’s birthday, sharing a photo of the two where Johnson’s prop looks p. incriminating.

View this post on Instagram

Happy birthday to my baby’s godmother 💕

A post shared by Addison Timlin (@addison.timlin) on

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