(Photo: Getty Images)
Ciara, girl—you just took one-two steps in the wrong direction.
On Saturday, the artist shared a clip from a sermon by popular minister John Gray to her Instagram and it pissed the internet *right* off. In the clip, Gray talks about his “single sisters” and why so many of them, sadly, are without a husband. (He says this is because, “too many women want to be married but [they’re] walking in the spirit of ‘girlfriend.'” Um…)
Gray went on to say that the only way a woman can find a man is if she starts to reevaluate her integrity (or lack thereof). “You’re not a wife when I marry you, you’re a wife when I find you. […] A wife is not the presence of a ring, it’s the presence of your character.”
K, I just had to stifle a very audible sigh. But here’s what was worse: Ciara posted the video with the caption, “#LevelUp. Don’t settle,” which we’re pretty sure is meant to be advice about how to lock in a full-time boo.
Sorry, have we transported back to the 1960s? Because this sounds a lot like what our parents were taught when they were kids. With the topic of feminism dominating the conversation about the current political climate, it’s shocking that Ciara would agree with the sentiment that women have to change who they are so that a dude will put a ring on it.
Several of Ciara’s fans took to Twitter to express their dismay about the video…
Ciara is doing what many women do when they overcome trials and get married. She’s using her marital status as a weapon against women who are not married. And it’s clear that she’s tied her value and sense of self worth to her marriage, otherwise she wouldn’t have shared that.
— CiCi Adams (@CiCiAdams_) January 21, 2018
This #Ciara discussion perfectly epitomizes internalized misogyny. We are always telling women to “act like a wife” but who is telling men to “act like a husband?”
— Nahum N (@passport_stamps) January 21, 2018
So I have a question since so many of y’all agree with that bullshit Ciara posted… if a woman is supposed already “be a wife” when she meets men, are men supposed to already be husbands?????? CUS YALL NOT QUALIFIED
— dreamgirl (@freakaIika) January 21, 2018
… And Bernice King, Martin Luther King Junior’s daughter, shared an eloquent thread about all that’s wrong with what John Gray and Ciara are promoting.
Dear girls and women: You don’t have to be married to be whole. Your worth is not attached to whether or not you’re wedded. Single, you’re exceptional.
— Be A King (@BerniceKing) January 21, 2018
Be careful not to influence girls to believe that their greatness is determined by ‘romantic’ relationships. Or that they have to mold themselves into something to be worthy. That’s a dangerous way of thinking, especially in today’s spiritual and political climate.
— Be A King (@BerniceKing) January 21, 2018
I’m not encouraging girls and women not to get married or saying that married women can’t be/aren’t exceptional. Simply encouraging people not to see singleness as a curse.
— Be A King (@BerniceKing) January 21, 2018
Girls and Women:
Be well and whole, single.
Be well and whole, married.
Be well and whole.And remember…wearing that ring shouldn’t require you diminishing your light.
— Be A King (@BerniceKing) January 21, 2018
On Sunday, Ciara took to Instagram again to reply to the backlash from her reposting the video. “I was a single mom sitting at home, and I then realized that the perfect love I was looking for was how God loves me, how he wants me to be loved, and who he was calling me to be as a mom and a woman,” she wrote in a statement. “That’s when I realized married or not married… I needed to love myself.”
OK, so, deciding to share the video was disappointing, but Ciara’s response the second time around is way better. We’re very here for loving yourself first and foremost, above all else.
Related:
Margot Robbie Has the Ultimate Mic Drop Response To Questions About Her Marriage
The Sweet Reason Why Kristen Bell And Mila Kunis Waited to Tie The Knot
How To Keep Your Friends After You Get Hitched