7 Predictions for Miley and Liam’s Wedding (Dogs! Dolly!)

In which we imagine the hopefully impending nuptials of Ms. Cyrus and Mr. Hemsworth (doggie ring bearers, Dolly Parton and weed brownies, natch)

I look like a fucking strawberry. #looklikemyfuckingmomdressedmethisam #prettysureihadthissamelookat6

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on

The rumors are true: Miley and Liam are very much back on. (She even has the nostalgic engagement ring to prove it.) Now that they are a few years older and (maybe?) wiser, we think they might actually make it down the aisle, which gives us a chance to imagine the millennial wedding of the year.

The Officiant We all know that Miley has serious mullet pedigreethough it seems hard to believe, her dad Billy Ray Cyrus was actually a big deal in 1992. But did you know that Dolly Parton is her godmother? We’re tapping the Southern sasspot to act as preacher for a day. Can I get an “I do”? (Bonus points if she hosts the reception at Dollyland.)


The Ring Bearers
Miley is passionate about rescuing animals, and she and Liam reconnected strongly after she found him a dog to adoptand helped babysit. Clearly, pups are the ties that bind. With that in mind, including the blended furry family is a must. Break out the doggie tuxedos for Emu, Happy, Mary Jane, Penny Lane, Bean and finally little cupid, Liam’s adopted dog Dora. (But let’s not leave out Miley’s cats, Kiki, Lilo and Shanti Om, and pot bellied pig, Bubba Sue.)

(Photo: GQ.com/ Paola Kudacki)

Chris for best man! (Photo: GQ.com/ Paola Kudacki)

The Bridal Party
Liam comes from a line of handsome Aussie brothers (including former Sexiest Man Alive, Chris Hemsworth). Tap them for groomsmen duty, and save on tuxedo rentals by having them go shirtless. And we know Miley isn’t into gender normative roles, so no pastel sateen nightmare for her bridesmaids (most likely including her five siblings) and/or men. Nipple pasties optional.

The Wedding Band
Being one of the biggest pop personalities in the world means the reception should have a pretty solid playlist. Expect Miley’s musical godfather, Wayne Coyne of The Flaming Lips, on the set list, along with other artists that she has worked with: Kanye West, Madonna and Pharrell. Probably not on the invite list? Robin Thicke.

miley cyrus wedding

In Alexander Wang at the 2015 MET Gala (Photo: Getty Images)

The Wedding Gown
For someone who favours latex over lace, a sweetheart Vera Wang is not on the agenda. Instead, look for something a little bit country, a little bit rock ‘n’ rollstudded cowboy boots, a sleeveless tank to show off her ink, and maybe a hot pink wig. If she prefers couture, we’d show her edgy options by her go-to designers including Alexander Wang, Marc Jacobs and Jeremy Scott.

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on

The Dessert Bar
Wedding cake is out, dessert bars are in. We’ll skip the traditional 3-tier confection for (weed) cookies and (weed) brownies. You know what else goes well with cookies and brownies? Weed. Oh and ice cream. Hemp ice cream. Did we mention weed?

miley cyrus wedding

Don’t forget to pick up your foam finger! (Photo: Amazon)

The Party Favours
While many couples shop for “love in bloom” succulents or “tying the knot” monogrammed tea bags, we’d suggest something a little more fun for Miley and Liam. Like a giant foam finger. What? It’s perfect.

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