The rumors are true: Miley and Liam are very much back on. (She even has the nostalgic engagement ring to prove it.) Now that they are a few years older and (maybe?) wiser, we think they might actually make it down the aisle, which gives us a chance to imagine the millennial wedding of the year.
The Officiant We all know that Miley has serious mullet pedigree—though it seems hard to believe, her dad Billy Ray Cyrus was actually a big deal in 1992. But did you know that Dolly Parton is her godmother? We’re tapping the Southern sasspot to act as preacher for a day. Can I get an “I do”? (Bonus points if she hosts the reception at Dollyland.)
Thanks @mileycyrus for loving dogs as much as we do!! You helped find this gigantic, 6 month old puppy a new home. @liamhemsworth you will give this deserving baby a great life! A photo posted by Wylder’s Holistic Pet Center (@wylderspets) on
The Ring Bearers
Miley is passionate about rescuing animals, and she and Liam reconnected strongly after she found him a dog to adopt—and helped babysit. Clearly, pups are the ties that bind. With that in mind, including the blended furry family is a must. Break out the doggie tuxedos for Emu, Happy, Mary Jane, Penny Lane, Bean and finally little cupid, Liam’s adopted dog Dora. (But let’s not leave out Miley’s cats, Kiki, Lilo and Shanti Om, and pot bellied pig, Bubba Sue.)
The Bridal Party
Liam comes from a line of handsome Aussie brothers (including former Sexiest Man Alive, Chris Hemsworth). Tap them for groomsmen duty, and save on tuxedo rentals by having them go shirtless. And we know Miley isn’t into gender normative roles, so no pastel sateen nightmare for her bridesmaids (most likely including her five siblings) and/or men. Nipple pasties optional.
The Wedding Band
Being one of the biggest pop personalities in the world means the reception should have a pretty solid playlist. Expect Miley’s musical godfather, Wayne Coyne of The Flaming Lips, on the set list, along with other artists that she has worked with: Kanye West, Madonna and Pharrell. Probably not on the invite list? Robin Thicke.
The Wedding Gown
For someone who favours latex over lace, a sweetheart Vera Wang is not on the agenda. Instead, look for something a little bit country, a little bit rock ‘n’ roll—studded cowboy boots, a sleeveless tank to show off her ink, and maybe a hot pink wig. If she prefers couture, we’d show her edgy options by her go-to designers including Alexander Wang, Marc Jacobs and Jeremy Scott.
The Dessert Bar
Wedding cake is out, dessert bars are in. We’ll skip the traditional 3-tier confection for (weed) cookies and (weed) brownies. You know what else goes well with cookies and brownies? Weed. Oh and ice cream. Hemp ice cream. Did we mention weed?
The Party Favours
While many couples shop for “love in bloom” succulents or “tying the knot” monogrammed tea bags, we’d suggest something a little more fun for Miley and Liam. Like a giant foam finger. What? It’s perfect.