As the resident Mimi fan in the FLARE office, I’m rarely quiet about my undying love for her and have been known to defend the indefensible. So when less-than-kind reviews from the opening night of #1 to Infinity at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas started pouring in, I basically became John Travolta ignoring unsavoury press about the Church of Scientology: I want you to forget what you’ve read and hear me out. These are the five reasons I’m co-signing this Las Vegas residency (and starting a Kickstarter to get me front row ASAP).
1. Vegas and Mariah are the perfect pair. I have never in my life heard of a better match than the woman who invented glitter and the city that couldn’t exist without it. Mariah’s been wearing Vegas showgirl costumes since It’s Like That in preparation for this moment, and she’s never been more ready.
3. Las Vegas could be good for Mimi’s butterfly soul. Britney Spears has been in Vegas for over a year and I’ve never seen her more vibrant or present (not to mention she looks f-cking amazing). Maybe the same routine could do Mariah some good and help her through the #tragic circumstances of her personal life.
4. Mariah. Be. Cray. She’s perfected the art of being endlessly lighthearted while simultaneously taking herself way too seriously, and it manifests itself flawlessly in her live performances. Fifty shows of her crazy antics means 100 hours of YouTube videos and about eighty billion GIFs for me to make in my free time.
5. No one is talking about her anymore. JK! Mariah hustles so hard she’s remained relevant despite not adding a single song to her list of hits since the invention of Instagram. This residency is yet another endeavour to add to the ol’ resumé—right after HSN Boss Bitch and Expert Shade Thrower.
So next time y’all wanna take the Elusive Chanteuse down a notch, just remember that she’s the one getting wheeled onto a stage by hot dudes to perform the highlights of her 22-year career.