17 Crazy Lines From the Virgin Bachelor’s New Book

Miss the Virgin Bachelor? Revel in 232 pages of Sean Lowe with his new book, For the Right Reasons. We’ve gathered the most noteworthy—read: nutso—highlights for you below

For the Right Reasons the bachelor

For the Right Reasons

Bachelorette alum and former Bachelor Sean Lowe was voted “America’s favourite Bachelor”—and topped our own list of the most unforgettable participants—for his rep as the nicest contestant ever to head the show. (Extra awww factor: he’s the only Bachelor in the history of the franchise to actually marry the woman he proposed to during the finale; he and Catherine Giudici celebrated their one-year wedding anniversary this week.) Now, post–reality TV, he’s turned author with the release of his memoir, For the Right Reasons (Nelson Books, $30), and it’s filled with enough strange turns of phrase and odd observations to make us fall in love all over again. Here are 17 of our favourite kooky lines from his literary debut.

Pre-Bachelorette life:

“Brooke was originally from Florida, and I suspected sand ran through her veins instead of blood.”

“I don’t normally notice whether guys are attractive, but Sagi had been Mr. Israel—twice—with eyes that seemed to see right through me.”

“I’d pray for God to deliver me from my job at State Farm.”

Behind the scenes on his Bachelorette journey (he appeared on Emily Maynard’s season):

“I was very aware that her lips should’ve been the last thing I was putting on mine, but there was no way I was going to miss out on this intimate time with her just because of her cold.”

“A blanket was covered in lush pillows, a fire crackled in the background, light hit the rocks just right, and the stars and the moon sparkled. (Though I’m not sure the lighting technicians were responsible for the appearance of the stars and the moon.)”

“I was as sure of my relationship with Emily as I was sure that the resort was luxurious, the ocean water was salty, and the ground was firmly beneath my feet. Of course, I was actually standing on sand.”

“If this had been a real fairy tale, I would’ve fought a few dragons and ended up with the girl in the end. But Prince Charming never got sent home in a Chevy Suburban.”

Taylor Hill/Getty Images the bachelor

(Photo: Taylor Hill/Getty Images)

Looking for love on The Bachelor:

“I only drank Red Bull, because I wasn’t going to be the guy who casually sipped on a drink all night and ended up with a lampshade on his head.”

“As soon as the girls put on their skates, I knew it was not practical to ask the women to skate on an embanked track while hitting one another.”

“When a girl needs to frolic, a girl should be able to frolic.”

“It was picturesque, with the snow falling and the moon shining—though at one point, the wind changed direction and the smoke from the fire almost suffocated us.”

“A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, ‘Why the long face?‘ And the horse says, ‘My wife just died.’ Jonah and I laughed at that forever. The joke, of course, was that the horse really was sad.”

“Anytime we went to a market or strolled around a city, staffers always came over and put a bunch of cash in my pocket. That way, on television it would seem like I had money instead of being a bum without cash.”

“We were in the same kitchen where I was wearing a floral apron just hours before, but the mood had sobered.”

Back to reality with the woman of his dreams:

“I soon saw that everyone was excited about that, except the elephant. Maybe he wasn’t a romantic at heart, but—for whatever reason—the elephant was not cooperating that day.”

“Had our government hired the Los Angeles paparazzi to find Osama bin Laden, they would’ve quickly had a multipage spread of candid photos, under the headline, ‘Grooming Habits of the World’s Most Wanted Man.’”

“Instead of going with a traditional save-the-date card, we decided to show our whimsical side by using a photo of us wearing bear heads.”