Corus Entertainment has confirmed the launch of The Real Housewives of Toronto, set to premiere in winter 2017 and it’s a good thing too—we’ve been itching to see some more True North Housewives ever since the Van City edition was cancelled, reportedly due to unprecedented levels of mean (for Canadians, anyway). In the meantime, we’re imagining the scenes, and the characters, we hope to see in the first season. Producers, take note!
Yacht Club Theatrics
One of the criteria for becoming a TO Housewife should be a membership to the Royal Canadian Yacht Club, because large boats have so much potential as filming locations. Ideal scenario: the Self-Proclaimed Interior Designer makes her yacht swanky AF, but another RH copies her colour scheme and sh*t hits the fan. Even more ideal: the copycat mysteriously “slips” into Lake Ontario post-confrontation and surfaces looking a mess. Was it a push? Quite possibly.
Colossal Cottages & Colossal Crises
With the cost of a Canadian country getaway averaging about $1.1 million, Muskoka Woods has been dubbed “the Hamptons of the North.” Where better for our lovely ladies to spend a weekend, scantily clad and engaging in water sports amongst mysterious lake animals?
Dressing Room Drama
One of the ladies will claim to be the group’s Sporty Spice, and she will be the queen of athleisure and occasion-appropriate baseball caps. Cue her time to shine when the group attends a Leafs game for a night of shameless pro-athlete fawning. What do we have to do to get these girls access to the change room so they can meet total cutie/rookie/rockstar Auston Matthews?
Turmoil Over Tempura
The Shamelessly Rich AF Housewife (you know, the one with so many Cartier bracelets that her arm looks bionic?) decides to celebrate her birthday at Kaiseki Yu-Zen Hashimoto, one of the most expensive restos in Toronto. Coming in hot at $300 a plate with only three tables in the whole damn place, two or more RHs are bound to be offended at such a costly invite. Even though they can and will attend.
Buzz(ed) at the Ballet
We need to see a trip to the ballet for a charity gala evening; the kind aimed at raising $$ for underfunded arts and yet is flowing with unlimited Cosmos and Canapés during intermission. The Housewife Who Can’t Hold Her Liquor has one too many and gets way too loud about all the dudes in tight tights.
One of the elusive husbands treats his wife to a couples massage at a swank spa. The RH gets totally PO’d about the hottie masseuse rubbing oils on her man, throws a fit (in the nude) and simultaneously secures her spot as The Jealous One.
Mama Loves Mermen
The Housewife with the Hots enrolls in mermaid classes for some extra exercise (because she heard celebs are totes into it). But because she’s not a pleb, she books weekly one-on-one sessions with the hottest male mermaid the 6ix has to offer. (10-15 minute segment of inappropriate jokes about her being wet/putting her face on the chest of said male mermaid ensues.)
Art Show Action
The irritating Jane of All Trades (her Ivy League degree is in Business, but she has time to “experiment”??) has a private art show, complete with buyers. All the other RHs go to “support.” Only then—plot twist!—Self-Proclaimed Interior Designer HATES the art, and voices her opinion in front of the JoAT. Their fight echoes through the high ceilings of the King West studio.
Fashion Week Frenzy
The Mom-ager (as she identifies in her Twitter bio) snagged a spot for her offspring to walk the runway at Toronto Fashion Week. The we-are-family vibe quickly turns into a weird competition between moms when Mom-ager discovers that Shamelessy Rich AF’s daughter is also walking the show. The children engage in high levels of eye-rolling before they sneak off to the after-party to drink away their embarrassment.
Fuss at the Four Seasons
With Yorkville as their fortress, the RHs have a luxe post-shop hangout at the Four Seasons. They exclusively order the two TO-themed cocktails, and nothing else: “#TheSix” and “Yorkville Affair.” Can’t Hold Her Liquor will almost definitely have one too many and break out into a Bieber track.
The team takes a stroll around the edge of the CN Tower with EdgeWalk. The perfect catalyst for stress-induced tension: Sporty Spice’s competitive nature. Nothing puts the real in reality like a good old fashion adrenaline rush that gets the name-calling rolling.
Drake Causes Disturbance
A private backyard concert with Drake would be our dream cameo situ. He’s from Forest Hill, after all, so he probs knows his way around. The OVO team can set up a backyard stage and all the super rich moms can go wild. The mini-Coachella is only complete if/when Housewife with the Hots clambers on stage and reenacts the notorious Drake-Madonna Smooch of 2015.