Spice Route Bored in bed? Alison Garwood-Jones finds four ways to rev up your sex life in a week
1WORK THOSE POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE ENERGIES Here’s one pole dance you may not have thought of: the sexual polarity between men and women is key to great sex. Dr. Lana Holstein and her husband, Dr. David Taylor, explain in their book, Your Long Erotic Weekend: “Here your high school physics will come in handy. Bring a positive charge (yang) with a negative charge (yin) close together and you get potential energy, a charged field created by the attraction between them.”
But here’s the rub: all our efforts to ensure equal rights—with women in the workforce full time, albeit still carrying the majority of household responsibilities—have, in many cases, neutralized the spark between the sexes. “The guy’s burned out because he doesn’t have a radiant female in his life, and the gal’s not radiant because her guy’s burdened and discouraged and he can’t help her generate feminine energy,” write the authors.
The doctors (who also head the sexuality and vitality programs at the Miraval Resort in Tucson, Ariz.) say breaking the cycle isn’t as simple as sharing household chores (although that helps). It’s about scheduling time to consciously connect with your partner. We’re not talking intercourse, yet, but “bringing attention to the heart connec-tion between you and your partner.” They recommend the Open Lotus position, which comes from the ancient Kama Sutra—where the man sits cross-legged on the floor and the woman sits on his lap facing him, wrapping her legs around his back—for 10 minutes twice a day (try it fully clothed the first few times, then progress).
“[In this position] your energy centres—pelvic, belly, heart, and perhaps brow chakras (if you touch foreheads)—are physically connected.” For those of you with a guy with a really open mind, Dr. Taylor explains you can then “begin reciprocal breathing or exchanging breaths.”
Why does it work? Like so many tantric rituals, this position helps to develop trust, closeness and harmony, which in turn fires up female (and male) desire.
2GET ENERGIZED Tired? Forget it! According to our experts, “One of the most important times to have sex is when you think you don’t want it.” We women, especially, have a habit of putting sex last on their list of competing de-mands—paying bills, going to the gym, finishing that project at work, writes Dr. Holstein. “You need to think in terms of learning to start sex from a neutral place.… Learn where to find your sexual energy when it doesn’t seem to be any-where.”
Again, you can begin with the Open Lotus position, try a lingering full-body hug or simply touch hands—just focus on making every touch a conscious one. What’s important is for you to rediscover how you can use the power of sex to energize you.
3WATCH WHAT YOU SAY Always be aware of how you speak to one another by monitoring yourself for negative, judgmental thoughts, recommends Dr. Holstein. In other words, if you haven’t got something positive to say, zip it! “It means being aware of your actions and asking, ‘Is what I’m doing or saying right now helpful? Is this beneficial for both of us or am I just blowing off steam?’ ” Just think of it this way: you can be right or you can be intimate.
4MAKE SEX A PRIORITY IN YOUR SCHEDULE If it’s not happening, put it in your calendar. “It may seem coun-terintuitive,” write the doctors, “but being systematic about sex—as you must about the basics of anything you want to be really good at—is actually the key to free-flowing, spontaneous loving.” Make a commitment to your connecting sessions and, if one of you has to cancel, make it up to your partner.
For more spicy ideas, pick up the November issue of FLARE!
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