Beauty

Fact or Fiction?

Nancy Davis sorts the myths from the truisms when it comes to sex!


Sex: Fact or Fiction

 

• If you don’t have an orgasm, the sex was bad. Fact or fiction?

• Men are always ready for sex and have a higher sex drive than women. Fact or fiction?

• People in relationships rarely masturbate. Fact or fiction?

• If a woman can’t achieve orgasm, something may be wrong. Fact or fiction?

• Being a great lover does not mean being technically skilled. Fact or fiction?

• You can get a disease from oral sex. Fact or fiction?

• If you have sex in water, you can get stuck. Fact or fiction?

• There is no such thing as the G-spot. Fact or fiction?

• Sex burns as many calories as a good workout at the gym. Fact or fiction?

• Fantasizing about another while having sex with your partner means you aren’t really attracted to your significant other. Fact or fiction?

If you don’t have an orgasm, the sex was bad.

FICTION

It depends on you: some women expect to experience an orgasm every time they have sex, while others are content with the intimacy and pleasure of the overall experience. It’s healthier to consider an orgasm as icing on the cake. Consider that one-quarter of women have never had an orgasm, says Dr. Stephen Holzapfel, medical director of the Sexual Medicine Counseling Unit at the Women’s College Campus of Sunnybrook and Women’s College Health Sciences Centre in Toronto.

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Men are always ready for sex and have a higher sex drive than women.

FICTION

Even though 30 percent of women aged 20–60 are concerned about lowered desire—in fact, it’s their biggest concern—it also worries 15 percent of men, says Dr. Holzapfel. That said, although this stereotype can be true, so can the reverse. Some women have higher drives than their partner. Yet, sometimes the pressure to emulate stereotypes (man as the easily roused sex fanatic and woman as the demure damsel) forces us to suppress our true desires. Ladies, don’t be afraid to channel that passionate lover—even if it’s more often than not.

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People in relationships rarely masturbate.

FICTION

Here’s the scoop: most men and many women masturbate whether they are in long-term relationships or not. Although true numbers are unknown—many people are reluctant to tell all—chances are if you were comfortable masturbating before your relationship, you still are, says Joan Marsman, a couples and sex therapist in Toronto. Only now, the bonus is that masturbation can be an activity you do together—or a useful standby when your partner is just not in the mood.

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If a woman can’t achieve orgasm, something may be wrong.

FACT

There isn’t anything medically wrong with not being able to achieve orgasm, but other factors (some medical) may be playing a role: inadequate stimulation, personal inhibitions, lack of privacy (young kids or teens), fatigue, stress, depression or medications for depression, relationship issues or other health problems. Inability to orgasm can also be as simple as just not feeling like it—and if you’re content, then there is no problem. On the other hand, maybe all you need is to learn how to achieve orgasm. If you and your partner want to work on this, Dr. Robert Reid, a professor of obstetrics and gynecology and chair of the division of reproductive endocrinology and infertility at Queen’s University in Kingston, Ont., recommends “bibliotherapy”: buy a book and get busy! A couple to consider: For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality by Lonnie Barbach and Becoming Orgasmic by Julia Heiman and Joseph LoPiccolo.

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Being a great lover does not mean being technically skilled.

FACT

“Although it does not hurt to know where all the parts are and what to do with them, most people want more than a technical performance. Ingredients such as desire, good communication and caring are also important,” says Marsman. And, as a result of that interaction, your partner recognizes your hot buttons and knows how to press them. Hint: build your own sexual “language” (actions, words, moans) so that you can convey to your other half when something’s done right. That way, it’s a no-brainer next time.

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You can get a disease from oral sex.

FACT

Contrary to popular belief, yes, you can. The majority of sexually transmitted infections (STIs)—such as chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, syphilis, hepatitis and HIV—can be transmitted via oral sex, says Dr. Reid. Oral cold sores, for example, are a type of herpes virus that can be passed from mouth to genitals after having oral sex with an infected person. Although you may be up to date on ways to protect against STIs during intercourse, you also need to know how to protect yourself against infections spread through oral sex. Check out www.sexualityandu.ca on how to use a condom and how to make a dental dam. Talk to your partner, know his or her sexual history and make sure you’re safe.

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If you have sex in water, you can get stuck.

FICTION

“Only if there is quicksand,” says Dr. Holzapfel. The lone side effect of having a go at it in water is that lubrication can sometimes be reduced, as water dilutes vaginal lubrication, making penetration feel drier.

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There is no such thing as the G-spot.

FICTION

An inch inside and on the front wall of the vagina is an area full of nerve endings, however, there is actually some debate over the famed site’s existence. Many women who find it very pleasurable to have this spot stimulated during sex are certain to vouch for its reality, though!

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Sex burns as many calories as a good workout at the gym.

FICTION

Oh, don’t we wish. Although sex is a physical activity, unless your tryst is a workout in itself, you better not go trading your cardio gear for lingerie. Sex does, in fact, burn calories, but the amount depends on how active you are during sex. The duration and intensity of sexual activity for most people would not equal the calories burned during a Spinning class, or even a low-impact aerobics workout, for that matter.

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Fantasizing about another while having sex with your partner means you aren’t really attracted to your significant other.

FICTION

Do not fear, dreaming about Orlando or Brad while you’re making love to your mate is perfectly normal. Often, fantasizing improves the excitement of a sexual encounter and does not imply a lack of interest for the person you’re with. Better yet, if you find your partner amenable, try sharing a fantasy as an enhancement that you can both enjoy.

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