Ask Miss Wild - October 2006

Ask Miss Wild all your love life questions! My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for around six months. We have a great sex life, but we can’t seem to connect emotionally.

Ask Miss Wild

Q: My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for around six months. We have a great sex life, but we can’t seem to connect emotionally. He is very guarded and I am finding it hard to get through. I really like him and I want to make it work. Is it worth waiting around to find out if he’ll let me in?

A: Sure. But you have to remember he’s got a different way of behaving and that’s just who he is. Maybe with time he’ll open up. Maybe with time he won’t. Let him know it’s important to you that you share things on an emotional level. He should respect that and try to put in an effort. But you’ve got to do the same. Respect that sharing and communicating aren’t his fortes. If you’re both prepared to work together, you may eventually find a happy medium.

Q: I met this woman at a conference recently that I was attracted to. I’m single and she’s married. We kind of hung out a little with a group of people and had a lot of fun, but never had much of any individual personal conversation or interaction. (In fact, she seemed interested in another guy in the group.) When I got to work the next week, I had a long, gushing email from her saying she was physically attracted to me, she couldn’t get me out of her mind, and she wishes she had gotten to know me better. She went on to say that she had never been unfaithful to her spouse, but she just wanted me to know that I had made an impression on her.

My question is: Should I even respond to her email? Yes, I was attracted to her, but it’s kind of weird that someone who doesn’t even know me seems to have become obsessed with me. I had flirted a little with her, but I didn’t give any indication that I was interested in anything more than a friendly relationship. What gives?

A: Wow. Where do I begin? First, don’t respond to the email. If that’s too cold for your taste (or if you’ve got a business relationship to maintain), send a simple “Thank you for the kind words. It was very nice to meet you.” Done. Second, easy cowboy! It’s a bit presumptuous to think she’s “obsessed” with you. As she said, you made an impression and she wanted you to know that. Maybe she doesn’t want a response from you. Maybe she’s been questioning her marriage for a while. Maybe she knows everyone likes to be complimented, she thinks you’re hot, and she happens to be verbose. Finally, you admit to flirting but you attest that you didn’t signal any romantic interest. What do you think flirting is? Maybe this email is just her way of flirting back.

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