A handshake. Eye contact held for an appropriate amount of time (ahem, Jack Stone) accompanied by a warm smile. Maybe, MAYBE, a gentle touch on the arm if the moment presents itself. These are suitable physical cues that let a new, possible love interest know you might like them. Tickling them savagely in their midsection IS NOT. The Bachelorette’s resident Tickle Monster Jonathan hit the pavement during last night’s episode 5 Rose Ceremony—not before aggressively tickling Rachel’s tummy one last time—and all I have to say is good riddance to bad rubbing.
Tickling in general as an adult human man is not cool. (Also, this 31-year-old dude listed Tickle Monster as his occupation when he’s really a pediatrician so there’s that.) I can perhaps understand a little tickle sesh between consenting adults behind closed doors. But tickling a potential paramour seconds into your FIRST ENCOUNTER and again when she tosses your creepy ass to the curb is downright devious behaviour. I never! And is there an area on a woman’s body aside from the obvious private zones that is more intimate than her midsection?! The answer is hell no.
And I’m no prude. Before I got into my current relationship over a decade ago, I was a gal about town. I made out on the first date and danced with mystery men at club nights with my girlfriends. But I’ll tell you this—if a suitor had so much as looked at my midsection and pondered a tickle, I would have roundhoused him faster than you could say “stranger danger.” Jonathan is lucky Rachel is a kinder person than me because I would bet my week’s latte budget that she wanted a full body Purell wipe-down after every ticklish encounter with that dude. Grabbing at a person’s body without consent isn’t OK and while tickling seems harmless, playful, childish even, it’s just such an act of intimacy. Just watch these GIFs and try *not* to shudder.
So see ya, Tickle Monster. You and your creepy paws will not be missed.