I have a major bone to pick with you—and I think you know why.
This week, during the Hometowns episode of The Bachelorette, you broke Girl Code. Actually no, you demolished Girl Code. And, TBH, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to look at you the same ever again (and this coming from someone who was, once upon a time, hardcore #TeamTia). You turned what is usually my favourite episode of the franchise into an all-around annoying experience that had me going to bed angry—and even three days later, I *still* can’t stop thinking about it. In the words of the great Mindy Kaling: How dare you?
For those of you who missed this week’s ep—or if you were just too distracted by Blake’s perfect face (don’t blame ya) or Jason’s top-notch kissing skills *insert, like, 10 fire emojis* to even notice Tia’s existence—allow me to quickly catch you up.
After visiting the hometowns of her final four—Blake, Jason, Garrett (ew, vom) and Colton—Becca had some good ol’ fashioned girl time with her Bachelor Nation girl squad (also known as the survivors of Arie Luyendyk Jr.). And, as you can guess, this included Tia Booth—who very rudely interrupted Becca while she was in the midst of gushing about her Hometown Dates to tell her that she still has feelings for Colton, the guy she had a brief fling with before the show started production. (Also the guy who just told Becca he’s in love with her.)
— The Bachelorette (@BacheloretteABC) July 17, 2018
Taking Becca outside to drop the biggest bomb of the season (aside from the existence of Colton’s V-card, of course), Tia jumped right into it: “I just feel like I’m so excited to hear you talk about Blake and Garrett and Jason. And like, when I think about Colton … if I’m being completely honest with myself, I do feel like I have feelings for [him].”
As I furiously watched from my friend’s couch and refrained from throwing my McDonald’s french fries at the TV screen, Tia continued: “And when I think about Colton being at this point now, it makes me sick in my stomach.”
Becca appropriately responded with a, “well shit I wish I would have known that earlier.” And then Tia gave a v. short and v. unconvincing, “I’m sorry.” Eye-freaking-roll, amiright?
Listen, I’m totally one to understand that “the heart wants what it wants”—because trust me, I’ve BEEN THERE. But this was not an act of friendship, it was one of betrayal (former Bachelorette Rachel Lindsay agrees with me, calling Tia a “Judas in the midst”).
So Tia, pls join me as I go over all the major Girl Code rules you broke this week on The Bachelorette and help you understand why your actions were the literal worst. And maybe, just maybe, we can try to move past this. (But probs not, tbh.)
GIRL CODE RULE #1: Always be open and honest
It’s true what they say: honesty is the best policy. And the most annoying thing about this entire messed-up situ is that it could have easily been avoided if you would have just told Becca the truth right from the get-go. Instead of expressing your feelings about Colton when you had the chance during the spa date in Episode 3, you waited until Becca had met his entire family and developed stronger feelings than you *probably* ever had for him. And to that, here is what I have to say:
GIRL CODE RULE #2: Be supportive, not jealous
In case you forgot, this is Becca’s season of The Bachelorette—*not* yours. I know you were probs sitting by the phone awaiting that fateful call, but girl, it didn’t happen. So just get over it and be happy for Becca. You claim to be one of her BFFs, but let’s be honest, your face while she was talking about her Hometown dates was not the face of a supportive friend. It was the face of jealousy. And the skeptical side of me can’t help but wonder if you’re just pissed you weren’t chosen as the Bachelorette and are doing everything you can to weasel your way into Becca’s season.
OG Bachelor Nation alum J.P. Rosenbaum truly hits the nail on the head:
Tia: Becca, it’s so nice to know that you’re truly happy, but if you don’t mind, I’m gonna make this about me. Thanks. #TheBachelorette
— J.P. Rosenbaum (@JP_Rosenbaum) July 17, 2018
GIRL CODE RULE #3: Don’t be shady
OK this is a big one. Honestly, all us girls ask for in a friendship is for someone to have our backs at all times. But unfortunately for Becca, in this instance you didn’t have anyone’s back but your own. And that, my friend, is not cool.
What’s more, though, is the fact that there’s a 99.9% chance you defs knew Becca would send Colton home after you told her you were still into him. Because Becca is *actually* a good friend. And even though she claimed to have sent Colton home simply because he “wasn’t the one”—I’m willing to bet he would have at least made it to Fantasy Suites (with a little help from Chris Harrison) if you didn’t throw yourself in the middle of their relationship.
What I’m trying to say here is, I think you knew exactly what you were doing when you gave Becca this news. You took advantage of her kindness, and that just makes everything so. much. worse.
GIRL CODE #4: Hoes before bros
This right here is what angers me to the core. Because even after Becca, the saint that she is, sent Colton home, *probably* to spare your feelings (let’s be real you basically asked her to send him home without saying the actual words), you go and date him on Bachelor in Paradise. Ummmm, correct me if I’m wrong but dating your friend’s ex is definitely at the top of the “Do Not Do Under Any Circumstance” list in the Girl Code handbook, is it not? And don’t even try to deny it because The Bachelorette’s Twitter account has already outed you.
Welcome to Paradise, Colton! Someone’s waiting for you there. pic.twitter.com/E2mGcQV1Av
— The Bachelorette (@BacheloretteABC) July 17, 2018
In conclusion, while Becca very graciously says she’s moved on from your antics, I (as well as everyone here at FLARE and, so it seems, Rachel Lindsay) have not. You desperately need a crash course in the art of friendship and should start writing your apology letter to Becca immeds if you haven’t already. That is all.