It’s Men Tell All week on The Bachelorette (here comes the draaammzzz) and as usual Chris Harrison promises us an episode “like you’ve never seen before.” But all we really need is this one question to be answered:
We start the episode off with Chris Harrison joking about hiring more security and buffing up at the gym in preparation for tonight and we wonder how many hours he spent at the gym buffing up to get ready for last season’s Men Tell All with Chad.
But before we get into the heated arguments that are bound to ensue, good ol’ Chris takes us through the most memorable moments of Tell All’s past—and remembering the time Emily Maynard told Kalon he should be a politician because everything he said was “bullshit” was probs the highlight of the night.
Of course, we start off with the Whaboom vs. Blake E. feud.
A couple of banana jokes are thrown around (WHEN are we going to get to the bottom of the banana tho??) and the guys talk about how obsessed Blake was with Lucas while they were living in the house. Then, Adam—sans Adam Jr.—says something that *doesn’t* annoy us to all ends: “There was so much Whaboom where it kind of just should have been “WhaBYE.” Agreed.
Unfortch, we’re left still unsure about the whole banana thing and we move on to DeMario vs. Scrunchie Girl—a.k.a. Lexi.
DeMario casually uses The Weeknd’s lyrics “only call you when it’s half past five” to explain that Lexi was just a “side chick” (really, DeMario?) and Chris Harrison is just like:
Then Jamey (some dude we can’t be bothered to remember) pipes up to ever so insightfully point out that it’s funny the worst people on the show—DeMario, Lee and Whaboom—are sticking together. And DeMario’s just like “Who even are you? You’re irrelevant.” LOL, TRUE THAT.
Later, we get into the Kenny and Lee dramz and everyone, minus Lee himself, starts giving their two cents on the situation. Dean—who is lookin’ SO fine, BTW—says he’ll forever have Kenny’s back on this and that it was all Lee who was causing the issues. And pretty much everyone else mimics that statement, minus DeMario who says the Lee he knew was an awesome guy and everyone (including us) is like, Come on DeMario at least try to help yourself out here.
Chris Harrison invites Kenny into the hot seat to get deeper into the Lee thing, but not before breaking our hearts all over again by taking us back through Kenny’s time on the show—emotional cries with his daughter and all.
Us watching Kenny’s flashback montage:
Chris and Kenny get to talking about Lee and the fact that if it weren’t for his daughter, who he wants to be a good role model for, there would have been two less Bachelors—meaning Kenny would have punched Lee right out—and we believe it. I mean, look how easy it is for him to rip a shirt off.
After Kenny calls bullshit on Lee’s fake-ass apology that we don’t even care to repeat, Chris brings out Kenny’s daughter and, as you can guess, he gets all emotional and we literally can’t even handle it. She’s all like, “Good for you dad, you came in 8th place” and then Chris ‘I Can Facilitate Anything’ Harrison just casually gifts Kenny and his daughter with a free trip to Disneyland. Wow sucks to be Amanda Stanton, her kids haven’t received any free trips and she’s been on Bachelor Nation shows three times now.
Chris finally invites Lee to the hot seat and that’s when shizz gets real. Dean proceeds to confront Lee (omg he looks so cute when he’s mad) and makes the truest statement ever—that during the show Lee was promoting his gross behavior on social media and he’s only now apologizing for his actions because he’s in the hot seat. And as Dean so handsomely points out, he should have done it months ago. YAAASS Dean.
Then, Chris Harrison comes in clutch with Lee’s super racist tweets snapshotted and ready to go. And the tweet that got the most attention, and that has already made it’s rounds on social media before tonight, was this one:
Lee: “I don’t like racism at all.”
Us: “Says the guy who published the above tweet…”
Iggy gets to the point and asks Lee what his intention with the tweet was and he’s just like “uhhh…..no comment.” Lee can’t even try to defend himself right now, there’s literally no possible way.
Lee’s face literally every single time he’s confronted about the tweets:
Then Anthony walks in with what we would defs call a mic drop moment and asks Lee if his actions “are motivated by racist thoughts embedded into you mentality?” OK Anthony.
And later, Lee—who Chris Harrison points out is literally shaking in his boots—finally says, “that tweet was racist and I denounce it” which is all the guys have been wanting to hear all night. Kenny and Lee kiss and makeup and we can finally stop talking about Lee.
Now it’s Dean Time (bless you, Dean and your beautiful face). Of course Chris Harrison has to take us through his painful Hometown and makes us watch Dean get sent home a SECOND time.
And after Dean’s time in the hot seat, Chris invites Rachel to the stage. We honestly admire Rachel for doing this so much because if we were forced to sit in a room with 28 of our ex-BFs we’d be like:
Dean invites himself up to sit next to Rachel, who makes it clear that she really was falling in love with him. And eventually, Dean gets the closure he needed.
We wouldn’t have said no to seeing one more hot kiss though, just saying. But they’ll hopefully be plenty of that in Paradise.
Once Dean returns to his seat, Rachel *finally* gets the chance to confront Lee:
Rachel: “You could exit stage left and meet me backstage and I’d be more than happy to give you a Black history lesson and a lesson on women’s rights.”
Everyone else in the world:
And that’s pretty much it! We got to see some hilarious bloopers, too (don’t worry Dean we still love you even though you ate gum from behind your ear) and anything we missed or didn’t mention, we didn’t think was important—like Fred’s “wah wah blah blah you never gave me a chance” speech at the end that for some reason got an applause from the guys and the audience. We’ll see you here next week for the finale!!! We can’t wait to see Peter’s fine face again. It’s been TOO LONG.