We’re used to this show exaggerating, overdramatizing, and milking any and all conflict for all it’s worth, sometimes to the point of sometimes pulling a little bait and switch. In this regard, last night’s episode really held its own. In two very different storylines—the Tia/Colton “relationship” and David versus Jordan—we were led to believe things were so much worse than they were, so that when their anticlimactic conclusions were revealed, I felt like an idiot for buying any of it. I hate feeling like an idiot.
On the Tia/Colton front, all the swirling question marks over Colton’s potential ingenuininity (yes, this is my new favourite non-word) in being there for Becca, rather than Tia, were swiftly—almost insultingly—glossed over with no more than a makeout sesh and a (rather surprising) Group Date rose. Look, I have no issue with Colton, but it’s not exactly like Becca made him jump through any hoops to convince her of his sincerity. Whether his #reasons were right or wrong, of course he wouldn’t confess to having old feelings “stirred up” by seeing Tia. The detective work here wasn’t exactly Holmesian. For me, though, Colton’s history with Tia is kind of moot; all one needs for a decent #rightreasons resume nowadays is true single-and-looking status and an open mind. My issue is more to do with his having sought Tia out in the first place—did he slide into her DMs?—than whatever relationship actually took place. Given he must’ve known at that point that he was in talks to be on the show himself, yet he flew a former contestant and very strong Bachelorette contender out to meet him, it’s innately sketchy to say he came on the show 100% to meet Becca. In that sense, I think Becca was way too kind and almost Canadian-like in her patching up of things. I understand they must share some decent chemistry and she’s interested in him, but I don’t think she should have been the one apologizing for “needing time,” or thanking Colton for his “patience.” Her pause over his past with Tia—no matter how brief or how blown out of proportion it may have been—was plenty valid, and in my mind she was too quick to let him off the hook for it.
As an aside, though, I really appreciated Tia’s side of this story. She was extremely honest that of course it was a consideration for Colton that she might become Bachelorette. For me, that brutal honesty immediately added credibility to her claim that there really wasn’t much of a relationship between them to speak of.
As for David and Jordan, I am mortified to admit this, but I truly thought there was a chance some violence had ensued between them. Ugh, so embarrassing! A lot of it did add up, though: the fact that the accident happened off camera, Jordan’s almost off-kilter rage at the Group Date cocktail party, and the sheer bloodiness of it all. I mean, how many people fall off a bed onto their face like that?? (I’m just trying to justify my gullibility here.)
Now, it seems crazy to me that there isn’t already some sort of safety guard for those top bunks. So convinced was I that there used to be safety guards—I myself slept on a top bunk in the mansion—that I went into full-blown detective mode: I scrolled back to the episode from my season where Juan Pablo arrived in the morning to cook a Venezuelan breakfast for us. I searched for shots of the women in top bunks waking up to the news. Lo and behold, there were no safety guards then either! I assume safety is eschewed for clear shots of sleeping contestants’ faces; sounds like a fair trade, right?
Sharleen Joynt’s Top 4 following The Bachelorette: Episode 3
1. Blake Horstmann, 28: “I just love these two”
In typical first 1-on-1 recipient form, Blake struggled a bit this week, suddenly having to share Becca after having had her all to himself last week. What I love about Blake is that, instead of going into ‘GRRR—she’s mine!’ mode, he went into a more endearing, insecure mode that he was able to admit to. Their 1-on-1 time on the second Group Date was very sweet, with Becca attempting to offer comfort (she was in his exact position on her season, after all) and him admitting he considers her his girlfriend. Nothing Blake says ever feels put on or affected, no matter how too-perfect it sounds, and they feel so natural as a couple. I just love these two.
2. Garrett Yrigoyen, 29: “They have undeniable chemistry together”
HOLY CRAP, Garrett was good at football! I actually rewound and rewatched the montage of his tackles, I was so wowed by them. Ahem, more importantly: though Garrett has yet to receive any special attention since his First Impression Rose, his 1-on-1 time is consistently shown and he and Becca have undeniable chemistry and ease together. After their Group Date 1-on-1 time, Garrett noted that Becca “has all these little quirks” that made her so attractive to him. On Night One he mentioned her wit and “quick rapport.” You guys know I appreciate statements like this, personality traits versus physical ones. We all know Garrett’s a frontrunner and it’s just a matter of time until he receives what’s sure to be a juicy 1-on-1 date.
3. Colton Underwood, 26: “I’m still not fully buying what he’s selling”
Okay, okay, I can admit when I’m wrong! I previously said I didn’t really buy any chemistry between Colton and Becca, and I didn’t see him as much more than a potential future Bachelor… I was apparently way off. Colton managed to go from being in the doghouse to being a legit Group Date Rose-receiving frontrunner, so what do I know? I still don’t see here what chemistry I see between Becca and the other three guys on this list, though I can admit it could be because I’m still not fully buying what he’s selling: I find Colton a bit too perfect, in a practiced and conscious way. But I am more than open to being proven wrong about this, too!
4. Jason Tartick, 29: “Dark horse alert!”
Dark horse alert! I’m calling it now! Despite the fact that Becca (hilariously) forgot his name, and the fact that his Night One limo exit and conversations weren’t shown, I suspect Jason could end up going very far. Why? THAT KISS. My goodness. This was the first kiss of the season to give me legit goosebumps; I felt the magic through my screen. Further, I love Jason’s self-described “thick skin,” and how affable and easygoing he is. He seems to have kept his wits about him while allowing himself to get a bit swept up in the process and truly enjoy it, the combination of which is very Nick Viall to me (yes, I just used Nick’s name as an adjective), and this is in my opinion exactly the mindset one should have in this environment.
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