Last night’s Hometowns had all the ingredients for an A++ episode—romance, drama, butterflies, jaw-dropping moments and utter devastation—and it was AMAZING. So here’s to you, Bachelor franchise, for giving us one hell of an episode.
We start off in Eric’s hometown of Baltimore, where Rachel just casually plays basketball in three-inch booties. Srsly what *can’t* this girl do in heels?
Then Eric’s cousin Ralph “spontaneously” walks on to the basketball court (but is conveniently mic’d and ready for filming).
Rachel: “When’s the last time Eric brought a girl home?”
Eric takes Rachel to meet the fam and the second they walk through the door his entire family (there was like 10 of them, talk about intimidating) is already clapping, cheering and getting up to hug Rachel. It was one of the most welcoming Hometown greetings we’ve ever seen and Eric’s family seems A.W.E.S.O.M.E. We literally want to be best friends with Aunt Verna.
Eric’s entire Hometown date—which ended in him telling Rachel he’s falling in love with her—went so incredibly well and it really let us (and Rachel) get to know him on a deeper, more mature level.
Next up is Bryan’s Hometown and considering his last relationship ended because his mom scared his GF off, this should be good. He takes Rachel to all the places that represent Miami to him, which happens to be a salsa bar and some place where old guys play dominoes.
After he takes Rachel to a few other random Miami locations that he defs found on TripAdvisor—he probs couldn’t take her to his usual spots because he’s already hit on all the girls who work/hang out there—he
warns Rachel about his mother gives Rachel the 4-1-1 on his family.
Bryan after talking about his famjam: “As long as I see that smile…I’m kind of obsessed to see you smile.”
Honestly, everything Bryan says/does makes us feel gross and dirty inside.
Bryan takes to Rachel to his parents’ house [side note: Rachel brought WAY nicer flowers for Bryan’s mom than she did for Eric’s, RUDE] and his mother immediately looks unimpressed. Then, she pulls Rachel aside and just casually drops the “I’ll kill you” bomb.
Bryan’s mom: “If he’s happy, I’m happy. If not, I’ll kill you.”
Bryan’s mom and Rachel’s BTS footage:
After successfully escaping from his mom, Bryan tells Rachel he’s in love with her and as much as we wanted to smile and feel giddy for her, hearing Bryan say those words made us actually throw up in our mouths a bit. But regardless of how gross it made us feel, you could totally tell Rachel wanted to say it back.
K we’re done talking about Bryan, let’s move on to Peter’s Wisconsin Hometown (a.k.a the only thing that *really* matters). He takes Rachel to meet a few of his friends and SPOILER ALERT he is defs the hottest guy in his crew. But duh, just look at that face.
Peter tells his friends about his concerns (a.k.a. not being ready to propose) and they straight-up tell him, “Don’t f-ck this up.” Umm yeah, we second that.
After a v. successful meet-and-greet with his friends, Peter takes Rachel to meet his family—including his adorable gap-toothed niece.
Actual footage of us watching Peter with his niece:
Overall Peter’s Hometown went pretty well and his family loved Rachel. The only problem is the fact he repeatedly notes he’s not ready to propose. Peter, if you screw this up we will take a page from Bryan’s mom’s handbook and literally kill you. Or marry you. Whatever.
Time for Dean’s Hometown! He takes Rachel on a cute little picnic in Aspen where we learn his father—who’s self-given name is Paramroop, which means “divinely beautiful”—converted to the Sikh faith six years ago. (We also learn he may be a dick, which obviously has nothing to do with his religion.) Dean, in his own words, is “legitimately terrified” for his Hometown and we feel so bad for him. He’s clearly being forced to do this and is obviously so uncomfortable with the entire thing. The producers should have given him a ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card and exempted him from this Bachelorette activity.
They get to his dad’s house and it’s the first time the entire family has been under the same roof in EIGHT years. Not long after the introductions, Dean’s dad gets everyone to lay on the floor while he plays the gong and it’s pretty much the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Later, Dean’s dad—who Dean has previously said was never there for him after his mother passed away when he was 15—asks to have some 1-on-1 time with him.
Dean’s dad: “Oh I must be a pretty great dad, because look at my son.”
Dean: “Do you feel like you’re still fulfilling things as a father?”
Dean tries to work through his dysfunctional relationship with his father (most likely because the producers are pushing it) but keeps getting shut down. The entire conversation he has with his father is way too personal for TV and we almost feel guilty for watching it/writing about it.
After Dean’s dad walks out on Dean mid-conversation, Rachel asks Paramroop if she can talk to him; to which he replies, “If you must.” Lol, k. They say a few insignificant words to one another outside by the fire and the conversation ends with him saying he honours the process but he’s done with the entire night. Then, Rachel goes back in the house to find a very distraught Dean. He tells Rachel he’s falling in love with her and proceeds to give her the hottest kiss, ever. Like, we still have butterflies thinking about it.
Dean’s Hometown might have been awful, uncomfortable, sad and, quite possibly, inappropriate for television, but the entire thing made us love him *so* much more.
Time for Rose Ceremony, or what we’ll refer to as the most devastating moment in the entire episode. Rachel gives roses to Bryan (ugh) and Eric, leaving it between Peter and Dean. PETER OR DEAN? OMG. This is actually the first time in a while we’ve been sitting on the ends of our seats, nervously biting our nails watching this show.
Rachel calls Peter’s name and our jaws immediately drop to the floor. We’re half relieved, half broken. We don’t know what to feel.
[Side note: Why couldn’t Rachel have sent Dean home last week and spare him this painful Hometown?]
Rachel and Dean say their goodbyes and all we want to do is just give Dean a hug. And also make out with him. Our emotions are all over the place.
And that’s a wrap for tonight’s dramatic Hometowns episode but before we go, we have one more thing to say:
Dear Bachelor producers,
We are putting in our formal request that (assuming/hoping Peter wins) you make Dean the next Bachelor. We will 100 percent apply. Thank you.