We start this week’s overdue episode off, once again, at the beginning of another ‘To Be Continued’ which seems like a Bachelor/ette trend that we should probs just get used to. And since we missed last week’s ep (still pissed about that one, NBA) we were expecting an A+ episode. And we got it! Ep 4 starts off with Eric freaking out (for good reason) because his “name is in everyone’s [more specifically Lee’s] mouth.” And the more satisfaction we see Lee get from Eric’s distress, the more we think; Wait, is Lee *actually* the devil in disguise? Once Eric settles down and stops screaming at Lee (he’s not worth it, Eric!!), Kenny goes outside for some 1-on-1 time with Rachel. Lee, being the snake he is, interrupts him and when Kenny says “can you give me 16 seconds?” Lee literally hovers over them while he counts the seconds on his fingers. If that’s not devilish behavior, we don’t know what is.
Our question for Lee:
Back in the mansion, cutie pie Dean is getting upset over Lee being the worst human ever (valid) and calls him a bitch—which, because Dean is so want-to-pinch-his-cheeks-cute it wasn’t as intimidating as he probably wanted it to be—but either way hearing Dean say “he’s a bitch” was our fave moment of the night.
After Rachel gets her face sucked off by Bryan again, she sits down with Bryce (#RIP Bryce) and overhears an angry Kenny getting v. heated and yelling at Lee for “double dipping” (hands down the grossest term we’ve heard on this show).
Lee: “I get tickled when I smile at an angry man, and he gets angrier”
The rest of the world:
Rachel is now v. annoyed by all this drama and gets really emotional in an ITM. And after a few minutes of tears and explaining how hard it is being in this situation, especially as a black woman, she’s just like, “I’m done talking now, bye.”
Chris The Fairy Godmother Harrison walks in all, “just tell me what you want, I can facilitate anything” and then, per Rachel’s request, goes to tell the guys the cocktail party has been cancelled and they’re going straight to Rose Ceremony. And all we can think is, if Lee gets a rose we’re gonna low-key freak out.
Aaaaaaand Lee gets a rose. Cue us freaking out Marissa Cooper-style, circa season 2 of The O.C.
Kenny was just as unpleased and gave some of THE BEST side eye we’ve ever seen on the show.
Moving on from that annoying Rose Ceremony—Rachel takes the guys to Hilton Head Island, South Carolina and Dean gets the first 1-on-1 date! Yay! They have a cute picnic in a field and sipped on a few glasses of champagne (or as Kenny later spells it, champange) and then Dean, who’s real scared of heights, starts hyperventilating when he finds out they’re going to be riding in a blimp.
Rachel tells Dean not to worry and that she’ll hold his hand the whole time but then ditches his scaredy-cat ass immediately when she gets a chance to drive the blimp. Other than almost throwing up, Dean was such a trooper the entire time and even tried driving the blimp himself. Go Dean!
K, it’s official. We love them.
Meanwhile back at the resort, the guys get the next Group Date card and everyone’s name is on it except for Jack Stone, which means he gets the next 1-on-1. Not overly excited to watch that one, TBH. Predicting this will be us next week during their date:
Fast forward to the evening portion of Rachel and Dean’s 1-on-1, which takes place in a garden filled with twinkly lights (basically a real-life fairytale).
Dean starts telling Rachel about his mom, who he lost when he was 15, and we’re all just sitting on the couch like:
After their dinner date, Rachel takes Dean to a Russell Dickerson concert (we defs had to run that one through a Google search). Serious question: does The Bachelor franchise have some sort of contract with D-list country singers? Anyway, the song actually wasn’t half bad and it was a really cute moment. Usually when they do the whole dancing-in-front-of-a- concert-crowd-thing we can’t help but cringe and get maaaajor secondhand embarrassment, but not this time! It definitely hit us in the feels.
Moving on to the first and only Group Date of the episode: They go for a boat ride and all the guys are suuuper thirsty. Like, too thirsty. They all start dancing for her attention:
Rapping for her attention (something we wish we NEVER had to see Peter, a.k.a our love, do):
And Josiah even started doing push-ups with Rachel on her back.
Basically they’d probs just do whatever she told them to.
Josiah: “I’m the sexiest guy on this boat right now”
They finally reach their destination and the desperado boat ride comes to an end. And then Rachel takes the guys to the first ever Bachelor Nation Spelling Bee!!! Adam is the first up (to spell the word ‘squirt’) and for reasons we cannot explain his creepy doll is in the audience.
The guys misspell some v. questionable words—as previously referenced, Kenny spells champagne, ‘champange’—but Eric’s spelling of ‘façade’ was by far the best.
Then Josiah gets up there and we legit get dizzy from throwing him so many eye-rolls. His over-confidence is disgusting. But alas, he spells ‘polyamorous’ right and is the spelling bee champ. He then proceeds to get a liiiittle too cozy with his trophy and starts kissing it and calling it baby. It was weird.
Moving on to the evening portion of the group date, where Josiah is on the biggest/most annoying power trip. He’s all like “if I come back with the Group Date rose I honestly think I’ll be in the Final Two.”
While Josiah gets wasted off whatever drink he’s poured into his trophy, Peter is busy having a serious adult convo with Rachel and talking about their future and #lifegoals. So far, he’s the only one we’ve seen having that type of conversation with her and it’s one of the many reasons why we love him.
Kenny: Everybody here is competing like a gentleman. You guys all have class.
We wrap up the end of this v. satisfactory episode with multiple fights happening between the guys. We’ve got the Iggy vs. Josiah dramz (because after throwing Eric under the bus last week Iggy felt the need to take Josiah down this week—srsly what’s wrong with this dude?) and we’ve got the Kenny vs. Lee dramz, which is literally just a ticking time bomb. Shizz is defs going to go down in next week’s back-to-back episodes and WE CAN’T WAIT.