I honestly thought The Bachelorette‘s dramatis personae had peaked with last week’s French-speaking ventriloquist dummy (who I secretly hoped would be making regular returns). Instead, in the second episode of “the most dramatic Bachelorette season yet” we got treated to actors Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis, Copper the dog, basketball legend Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and a truly Oscar-worthy performance from a wide-eyed ex-girlfriend out for revenge.
Seemingly, the uniting reason for why the producers added some special guests to this episode was not to amp up the romance, but “Because We Can.”
But why do such cameos need to be restricted to televised searches for love? TBH, I feel like ‘special guest stars’ should be a welcome third wheel for all romantic encounters. Dating can be both tedious and expensive so why not pay for a celebrity to join you and your prospective life partner?
I can’t help but think of all the dates I have been on in which I had to make idle conversation about my career, family and goals over a couple of drinks and a bowl of pasta. How boring. Imagine if there had been an opportunity to consult with famed television chef Gordon Ramsay over my date’s menu selections and what it meant to our future life together.
Normally, you have to wait until well after the date to confer and analyze with your friends. But on The Bachelorette, you can have a Hollywood power couple come by to crack jokes with you while men literally race in an attempt to win your heart. No one asks if you like your job, what your sign is or where you grew up. It’s the perfect date.
Of all last night’s guest stars, the most useful had to be Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. His insights were piercing. “Basketball is a really good game to connect to romance because it’s about team work,” he says to Rachel in the mid-date chat. But, as he also says, “You don’t have to play basketball to get married, believe that.”
And I believe him! Or at least, I hope that’s true.
Going forward, here are some guest stars I’d like to see, suggested date activity, and advice I think they’d give:
- Simon Cowell, archery, “The Whaboom Guy Has To Go”
- Tom Hanks, typewriter repair, “Like typewriters, people have buttons and if you press them in the right order, it all makes sense.”
- Serena Williams, tennis, “Tennis is like love in that love is a score.”
- Mike Holmes, carpentry, “Building a home isn’t just about two people, it’s also about wood.”
- The US women’s gymnastics team, gymnastics, “Gymnastics is good for a marriage because you have to stretch first.”
For now, let’s hope that the “to be continued” cliffhanger actually references next week’s cameo by *fingers crossed* Tom Cruise.