Welcome to week two of The Bachelorette—which consists of a competitive obstacle course, a Lil Jon cameo and a maaajor secret from one of the guys. Let’s dig in!
We start this week off with Chris Harrison popping into the Bachelor Mansion (a v. rare occurrence these days) to tell the guys Becca is really serious about this. Ummm…
And now it’s time for Becca’s very first Group Date! On deck is Clay (boring football guy), Nick (?), Chris R. (the dude who started drama with Chase last ep), David (a.k.a, chicken guy) Jean Blanc (cologne connoisseur), Jordan, Connor and Lincoln. The date starts off with Becca—who’s wearing a very OTT white gown—pampering the guys with champagne and fancy tuxes (an idea she straight-up stole from her first 1-on-1 with Arie).
They guys start casually undressing in front of Becca (who is legit swooning) and, after he stops staring at himself longingly in the mirror, Jordan—the alleged “male model”—shows off his strut. Unfortch looked more like an awkward “I really have to pee” walk than a runway walk.
Becca then asks Jordan for his best modeling advice, to which he responds: “Before you put your socks on or your pantyhose or your shoes even, put your confidence on.” Excuse me while I gag.
Once the pampering portion of the date is over, it’s on to part two: a dirty obstacle course that looks like it’s straight off the set of Survivor.
Oh and for some reason Rachel Lindsay and Bryan Abasolo are there to explain the rules of the course—as if Becca wasn’t capable of doing it herself? Ugh now all I can think about is this:
Despite the fact that he deffo cheated during the first phase of the obstacle course and then totally shoved David near the end, Lincoln wins the date challenge and gets to take an extremely muddy wedding portrait with Becca.
Moving on to the evening portion of the Group Date; Becca pulls Lincoln away first since he won the challenge and the guys. are. PISSED. She gifts him with a framed copy of their wedding portrait, which he maybe gets a little too excited about and refers to it as a picture of him and his “future wife.” Dude, you’ve known her for like three seconds. As Chad Johnson would say, “Have a glass of milk, man, and chill out.”
Becca and Lincoln then partake in a not-so-cute make out sesh—which consisted of lots of loud kissing (ugh, classic) and for some reason a lot of aggressive head bobbing and zigzagging? Why do guys never learn how to kiss a girl before coming on this damn show?
Actual quote from Lincoln after his kiss with Becca: “Kissing Becca is like flying to the moon on the wings of a Pegasus while dancing with unicorns on a pot of gold”
As the night continues, Lincoln gets more and more annoying as he brags about his time with Becca and shoves their wedding portrait in all the guys’ faces. However, Connor (who I am not totally convinced *isn’t* JJ Lane from Kaitlyn Bristowe’s season) gets the most heated about the Lincoln situation and ends up throwing his picture with Becca straight into the pool, shattering the frame.
Um, rude. Now there’s broken glass in the pool, Connor.
Lincoln after Connor a.k.a. JJ Lane throws his photo of Becca in the pool: “That photo meant a lot to me, it was something I was looking forward to showing my mom. The picture is broken, my heart is broken.”
While all this picture dramz is going on outside, Becca is elsewhere making a connection with Jean Blanc. Despite his cringe-worthy line “the only thing better than your smile is your lips,” Jean has a pretty good kiss with Becca, and it lands him the Group Date Rose.
The next morning Lincoln is legit bawling his eyes out while telling the other guys what happened to his photo and I literally just do not know what to do with that.
Moving on to Becca’s first 1-on-1 with Blake—a.k.a. the guy who legit has me looking like this:
They arrive at their date location, which is an abandoned warehouse filled with things from Becca’s past with Arie—including his race car, the couch he broke up with her on, and like 10 TV monitors playing their proposal scene. Is this really necessary, ABC? Then, as Becca and Blake hold the sledgehammers that were left for them outside, the camera pans over to special guest Lil Jon who screams “IT’S TIME TO GET CRAZY.”
KAY what is Lil Jon doing on The Bachelor and why do I love it so much?
Becca and Blake start smashing everything in the room that reminds Becca of Arie while Lil Jon performs “Turn Down for What” and the entire thing seems v. therapeutic and I kind of wish I was there to participate. Hbu?
On to the evening portion of their date; Becca and Blake are defs feeling each other (and I think I speak for a lot of us when I say, we are defs feeling him).
Blake opens up to Becca about a tragic breakup from his past, they share a few cute moments together and then Becca ends up giving him the Date Rose, which like duh. They end the night with a passionate kiss outside and just like that, we’ve got a front runner.
Moving on to the second Group Date of the week—Becca brings Colton (the dreamboat with the dog), Garrett (First Impression Rose guy who has made some questionable likes), Leo (with the crazy hair) and a bunch of other guys whose names are leaving question marks in my brain to a school gym where three quite aggressive children coach them on the game of dodgeball. My fave kid was the one who kept yelling at the guys and calling them trash.
After practicing in the gym, Becca takes the guys to an arena where Chris Harrison and Fred Willard will be co-hosting their trampoline dodgeball competition. They’re broken up into two teams (green and pink) and despite Leo’s best efforts—he looked like friggin’ Hercules running around the court—the green team wins.
Moving on to the evening portion of the date, Becca makes a connection with some guy named Willis. They share a pretty meh kiss but apparently it was good enough to get him the Group Date Rose. Also on the date, Colton drops a bomb on Becca by telling her that he had a weekend fling with Tia (her friend from Arie’s season) and she is NOT happy about it. Awkward.
Fast forward to the Cocktail Party—there’s not *too* much to report other than the fact that Becca continues her chat with Colton and makes the whole Tia situation seem a lot worse than it actually is. Oh, and Jordan decides to strip down into his underwear and interrupt David’s 1-on-1 time with Becca.
David (the guy who, might I remind you, dressed as a chicken on night one), is supes offended by Jordan’s decision to take his clothes off and decides to confront him in kind of a douchebaggery way. Herewith, a recap:
David: There’s a level of disrespect there … do you understand there’s a right and wrong in life? And you are in the wrong. Do you aree?
Also David: Are you more than just a model?
David again: I’m very articulate with my words and I don’t think you understand what I’m saying.
Rose Ceremony Time! Becca ends up keeping Colton despite the whole Tia thing. She also keeps Jordan—who attended Rose Ceremony in his underwear with a pink furry blanket wrapped around him—and David, the rude chicken guy. Three men who I didn’t even know the names of until tonight ended up getting the boot—Alex, Rickey and … the third person I have already forgotten. Whoops. Anyway, see you back here next week for a Colton/Tia reunion and more dramz!