Welcome to episode 7 of The Bachelor! Guys next week is already hometowns—how did we get here?!
We start this week’s SRSLY tear-filled ep in beautiful Tuscany, Italy, where host Chris Harrison shows up to tell the girls there will be NO Rose Ceremony this week. Instead, there will be three 1-on-1 dates and one 3-on-1, with only four roses to be given out.
The first 1-on-1 goes to Becca K., and Arie greets her outside her hotel by saying, “Ciao bella”—but totally butchers it. Arie, pls don’t try to speak Italian EVER again. Thnxx.
They start the date off by walking around the city, and totally failing at talking to locals as they order food for a picnic.
Arie to Becca K.: How do you say “small” again?
Becca K. to the cute Italian man who obvi speaks zero English: How do you say “small” again?
Old Italian man, probably:
While Arie and Becca K. have a romantic picnic at sunset and talk about how much they care about each other, Jaqueline is back at the hotel having a breakdown because she has “swirling doubts” about Arie. But like, I can hardly even remember who she is.
Jumping back to the evening portion of the 1-on-1, Becca K. briefs Arie on what meeting her family might be like, and then tells him that she never “officially” introduced her former boyfriend of SEVEN years to her parents—which srsly confuses me.
Becca K. talking to Arie about her BF of seven years: I never actually officially introduced him as my boyfriend to my family.
Also Becca K. to Arie (who she’s known for like a month): You would be the first guy I would be introducing as my boyfriend.
Me trying to make sense of this logic:
Later, Becca K. tells Arie that she’s falling for him, which Arie seems v. happy about. He ends up giving her a rose. See you at hometowns, Becca K.!
Back at the hotel, Jaqueline is beginning to spiral—while the rest of the world tries to figure out who she is—and decides she needs to go talk to Arie. She knocks on his door in suspense, and all I can think is, imagine if Krystal just opened the door? Like, I kind of miss her.
Alas, Arie opens the door instead of Krystal (*tear*) and she begins her long, painful and far-too-dramatic breakup with Arie.
Jaqueline while crying/chugging back Arie’s red wine: I want to go home.
Also Jaqueline, while still crying: *Hard core makes out with Arie*
Jaqueline again: I just really need to go home, I have too many doubts for you to take me to hometowns.
Still Jaqueline: *Aggressively making out with Arie—while still crying*
Jaqueline finally stops crying for long enough to say goodbye and Arie sees her out.
Moving on to the second 1-on-1 date, which is with Lauren B. Let’s count how many times she says “wow.”
They end up riding bikes around Tuscany and Arie tries to show off his skills to Lauren.
Actual footage of Arie riding his bike:
Me channeling my inner mom: Arie, where TF is your helmet!?
Unfortunately, even with Arie’s sweet bicycle tricks, their conversation still sucks.
Lauren while riding around Tuscany with Arie: It’s very…Italian.
After quietly exploring the city and exchanging all of three words to one another, Arie and Lauren sit down to eat some pizza—which they *actually* eat, BTW. Mid convo, while Lauren talks about being nervous to take Arie home to her family, Arie ditches her to play soccer with some rando Italian kids. Arie, how old are you?
Skipping to the evening portion of the date, Arie is supes nervous going into it, because if Lauren doesn’t open up to him, they’re probs dunezo. But to everyone’s shock—including Arie’s—Lauren ends up telling him that she’s falling in love with him and the next few minutes of the ep are THE MOST confusing ever. Let’s recap, shall we?
Lauren to Arie: I think I’m falling in love with you.
Arie’s immediate reaction:
Lauren *looking nervous*: I feel like you have something to say about that.
Arie: Noo…it’s just…brb k?
Me/everyone else in the world watching: Oh she’s defffff going home!
Also me while I watch Lauren sit there alone after finally being vulnerable with Arie:
Arie finally returns after ditching a girl who just said ILY to him for a good 10 mins, and, right when I think he’s going to send Lauren home, he says, “I’m falling so deeply in love with you it’s crazy,” and then gives her the rose. Ummmm what?
I’m v. confused at how he has fallen in love with a girl who he’s had very few intimate conversations with. Is it just because she looks like Emily Maynard?
Anyway, after putting us through the most confusing five minutes of our lives, Arie gets ready for his third 1-on-1 date with Seinne.
They go truffle hunting with the most adorable old Italian man and his even more adorable truffle hunting puppies and I am immediately obsessed with this date.
Me, if I were on this date:
After hunting for truffles, while also seeing if they can dig deep into their relationship (pun def intended)—Arie and Seinne are invited back to cutie Italian man’s home where they cook an authentic Italian meal with his family. Seriously where do I sign up for this?
Moving on to the evening portion of their date, Arie ends up sending Seinne home—but not before picking up the rose and making it look like he’s going to give it to her. UGH why does he *always* do this? He’s such a damn rose tease.
Time for the 3-on-1! Tia, Bekah and Kendall are on the date and Tia decides it’s a good time to throw Bekah under the bus. She tells Arie that she doesn’t think Bekah is ready/mature enough for marriage, and then, after bashing her to Arie, she tells Bekah what she said about her and makes her cry uncontrollably. Ugh Tia, I actually liked you!
Bekah ends up crying to Arie and he does his best to comfort her. But did anyone else notice that while she was crying in his arms, Arie was rubbing HIS OWN hand and not hers? L ~ O ~ L
After making Bekah feel better, they head back to where the other girls are sitting and gives the first rose out to Kendall. I defs thought Kendall was going home so now who TF is he sending home?
Also, idk if you’ve been counting, but at this point in the episode, Arie has said “I love that” about 50 times and I want to never hear those three words again ever.
Skipping to the evening portion of the date, which has now been turned into a 2-on-1 for Tia and Bekah (does this feel like the looongest episode of life or what?) and most of the convos they are having ARE BORING. Bekah feels preeetty confident that she’s getting the rose, but Arie ends up giving it to Tia. And just like that, Bekah is officially out of here and there are no more interesting people left. Ugh.
See you next week for Hometowns and uncomfortable close ups of all Kendall’s weird ass taxidermy *shudder*