Welcome back to another exciting week of The Bachelor! This week’s ep consists of a legitimately good 1-on-1 date (FINALLY), some questionable Jet Ski makeouts and an A++ meltdown from Krystal. Let’s dive in, shall we?
We start off with Arie driving around in yet another car (ugh, this is getting old). He calls their next location, Fort Lauderdale, the perfect place to fall in love because it’s “sexy and cute.”
Arie: Fort Lauderdale is sexy and cute
Moving on to the first 1-on-1 of the week, which is a yacht date with Chelsea and she’s super happy because she’s “on a dreamboat, but also with a dreamboat.” *eye rollllllll*
Arie and Chelsea suit up for some Jet Skiing, while Lauren B., Marikh and Maquel (oh yeah, she’s back from her grandpa’s funeral) spy on them through binoculars.
Maquel: Aww, I wanted the yacht date
Me: Chill, there are literally like 100 yacht dates per season
And then, because Arie can’t go more than five minutes without making out with someone, Chelsea hops onto his Jet Ski and they make out WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED while still driving around. I’m sorry but this cannot be safe, right?? Leave it to Arie to put making out before safety.
Fast-forward to the evening portion of their date, which takes place in a car museum—can Arie get any more predictable? The dinner date goes pretty well, Chelsea tells Arie all about the rough breakup with her baby daddy—while wearing a v. cute jumpsuit—and he obvs gives her the rose. Oh, and as usual they end the evening dancing to an unknown country artist. Classic.
Me every time they bring a musician on this show:
OK, time for the bowling Group Date, which unfortunately for our poor eyes starts off with Arie licking (yes, I said LICKING) a damn bowling ball.
— Good Morning America (@GMA) January 30, 2018
My eyes will NEVER be able to unsee that.
The girls are split up into two teams—the blue team and the pink team—and Arie announces that only the winning team will get to join him at the after-party. Also, of course all the girls tie their uggo bowling shirts in the front so their bellies show like they’re in grade eight trying to impress the boys during gym class.
Meanwhile, Krystal’s already up to her usual Group Date antics.
Krystal: It’s just weird being in a Group Date setting. All the girls are just desperately fighting for his attention and that’s just not me
Me: That is *literally* you
The blue team, which just so happens to be Krystal’s team, ends up winning the bowling challenge but Arie feels bad and decides to let the losing team join them at the after-party too. And naturally, Krystal loses her shit.
How Krystal reacted when Arie said he’s letting the losing team come to the after-party:
How Krystal clearly wanted to react when Arie said he’s letting the losing team come to the after-party:
The girls head back to their hotel to get changed for the evening portion of the date, but Krystal puts her housecoat on and says she’s not coming because Arie “is a liar and she can’t trust him.” Oh, and she packed her bags.
Arie meets up with the girls, who tell him that Krystal’s not coming to the date because she’s currently throwing a fit in her room, and he decides to go check on her. Ugh. Here’s a quick recap of their convo.
Arie *after giving Krystal an uncomfortable long and breathy hug*: What’s wrong?
Krystal: I just feel my team was disrespected because you said one thing and then changed your mind
Arie: It was just bowling…
Krystal: It felt like a lie
Arie ends up telling Krystal to not join them on the date (yaaasss, Arie) and is just like “see u in a few days, bye.”
He gets back to the girls again and has good chats with Kendall, Bekah M., Lauren B. and Becca K. And I will admit that I’m kind of digging Arie and Becca K.
Meanwhile, Krystal decides to show up at the date to chat with the girls but gets completely torn apart. And when she can’t defend herself (because her arguments are legit insane) she leaves again.
Me trying to deal with Krystal’s BS:
And at the end of the date, Arie teases like three girls with the rose before giving it to Lauren B. Why TF is he such a rose tease?
Moving on to Tia’s 1-on-1, Arie takes her on a boat ride through some alligator-infested swamps and then they enjoy some tasty frog legs. Barf. The date is not glamorous by any means, but Tia’s totally cool with it, which makes me (oh, and Arie) like her even more. They’re obvi super into each other.
During the evening portion of their date, Tia tells Arie she’s falling in love with him—which, IMO, was *way* too soon—but Arie seems totally smitten and gives her the Date Rose (duh).
Cocktail Party time! Kicking the evening off on a weird note is Kendall, who asks Arie if he would ever try eating human meat (um, what?). To my relief, Arie says no. But unfortch, I can’t say the same about her.
Kendall: I’d try human meat
Arie, absolutely stunned: You scare me sometimes
Of course, we can’t get through the night with out some Krystal kraziness. She tries confronting the girls again (because, “haters gonna hate”) and tells them if they want to talk to her it’s going to have to be in a 1-on-1 setting because she’ll get attacked in a group.
Kendall the human meat eater is first up to bat and she handles her conversation with Krystal like a total pro—calmly and rationally—which gave me major respect for her. Of course, Krystal couldn’t understand that Kendall was trying to have a mature adult conversation with her, so she continued pouting, talking in a baby voice and getting fired up trying to defend herself and play the victim.
Bekah then takes her chance to call Krystal out and straight up asks her why TF she’s still here. She obviously doesn’t get an answer—just more of Krystal defending herself—so Bekah gets up and walks away; probs to stop herself from punching Krystal between the eyes.
Krystal in her ITM after her v. unsuccessful 1-on-1 chats with the girls: I tried to be nice by welcoming the girls to pull me aside and have a conversation. I was hoping they would give me a little compassion but they just wanted to attack me
Also Krystal in her ITM: I’m sorry I just honestly feel like a lot of the girls here just don’t operate on my level and I’m tired of lowering myself to try and stick to theirs
Still Krystal: Like I’m done *throws hands in air* that was glitter
Next up, Krystal pulls Arie aside and tries and to justify her crazy behaviour by calling her response to the whole bowling thing “out of character.” OK Krystal…
She then goes on to tell Arie that she grew up in a bowling alley and was remembering some unfortunate childhood memories while on the bowling date (umm, where’s the tragic childhood flashback, ABC?), and then Arie *finally* tells her what’s up.
Krystal to Arie in a squeal-y voice: This was our first fiiiiight
Arie: Yeah and it could be our last
Moving on to Rose Ceremony, Krystal obv gets a rose and Arie ends up sending home Maquel (dude, the girl’s grandpa just died), Marikh and Ashley—which was no surprise. And that’s it for this week! See you next week to see Krystal take on Paris.