Before getting back to the beach, last night’s episode of Bachelor in Paradise started off with something super special—Carly and Evan’s wedding!!! And disclaimer: we cried more than Evan.
First they take us back through Carly and Evan’s experience on the show—gross habanero pepper spit string kiss and all—and their epic BiP love story.
THEN freaking Chris Harrison gives us a flashback of past Bachelor weddings and it’s like, are you trying to make us cry? Seeing Sean Lowe and Catherine Giudici’s wedding all over again hit us right in the feels and ugh Jade and Tanner are literally just the cutest couple ever.
Pretty much all of Bachelor Nation is there—Kaitlyn and Shawn, Nick and Vanessa, Whitney, the twins, Jade and Tanner (obvs, Jade is in Carly’s bridesmaid), Wells (who’s in Evan’s wedding party), Sarah Herron, Ashley I. and Jered—and at least we know Ashley I. will be crying more than us.
We get to see Carly and Evan getting ready for the big day and Jade (who is v. pregnant and so beautiful) tries to make a speech but can’t stop crying because her pregnant hormones are at an all-time high. Carly’s mom takes over and says Evan answered their prayers and we literally just can’t even right now…
Time for the ceremony! Evan walks down the aisle and is already crying before even seeing Carly so naturally, we are too.
Carly walks down the aisle and looks freaking gorg! That dress was made for her.
Also Evan’s face when he sees Carly is literally everything:
They say their vows—which were absolutely beautiful—and Evan has cried like 29 times now. Then a shaman comes and does some shaman thing and as Robby Hayes would say, it was right in Carly’s wheelhouse.
Carly and Evan are offish married and we’re just so friggin’ happy for them and their little bun in the oven!
BRB, need a break to wipe our tears.
OK, so now the wedding is over and we’re immediately taken from these feelings of love and happiness to a serious sit down with Chris Harrison and the cast to discuss the incident that shut down filming for two weeks. Pls make this a productive conversation and not just something you’re doing for ratings.
The whole conversation—which lasted around 10 minutes—was pretty serious and there were mixed feelings about it on Twitter; but we were p. pleased that they finally had some kind of discussion about race, slut-shaming, sexual assault and consent. And thank you, Raven, for opening up about your personal experience with an abusive relationship and sexual assault and how she hopes the Paradise situation doesn’t deter victims from coming forward and “speaking their truth.”
*Not* thank you to Taylor, who tried to make the whole thing about herself.
They wrap up the chat and Chris Harrison officially reopens Paradise.
The guys and girls—BTW, Lacey’s back after going home for her grandpa’s funeral right before filming was suspended—have separate chats about the upcoming Rose Ceremony and where relationships are at after being gone for two weeks. Raven ghosted both Robby and Ben while they were gone but will probs give her rose to Ben. Amanda is defs not giving her Rose to Alex anymore (good choice). Jasmine is obviously giving hers to Matt and Taylor is giving hers to Derek. AND THEN we find out that freaking Dean went back to Kentucky with Kristina and they spent 10 days together. We’re not not jealous…
But then Dean says he told Kristina—multiple times—that she should keep her options open and go on dates with other guys if she wants to. Dean, we love you but srsly wtf?
So far it seems like the three solid couples are Taylor and Derek (who we actually love), Kristina and Dean, and Jasmine and Matt. But Jasmine is getting a weeee bit clingy and Matt seems to be pulling away/regretting getting tied down to one girl. Classic guy move.
And then there’s Alex. He’s like, low-key obsessed with Amanda in a kind of creepy way—he’s already calling her wifey—and is totally not getting the hint that she’s *so* not into him…even AFTER the other girls tell him point blank she’s *not* into him and he should move on.
Raven to Alex: You should move on from Amanda. I personally would start talking to other girls.
Alex: I’m going to keep talking to Amanda.
Alex steals Amanda away to chat about their non-relationship and it’s like dude, give it a rest and save yourself whatever dignity you have left—which unfortch, isn’t much.
Meanwhile, Alexis and Vinny are at the bar imitating Amanda and Alex’s conversation and it’s actually hilarious. When are they going to get together?
Vinny: Do you go to the theme park a lot? I really can’t go on a lot of rides there because height requirements.
Alexis: Are my children taller than you?
Vinny: The good thing is we can share the same pants.
Us: OMG can you be together already!?
Back to Amanda and Alex’s actual convo; she tells him its probs not going to happen and that if she gives him a rose it’s strictly a friend rose. It looks like he *finally* gets it and Amanda’s just like…
Moving on to Lacey, who’s freaking out because no one in Paradise likes her and she says the only guy she’d be interested in is Daniel (the Canadian guy from JoJo’s season and last season of Paradise). She literally says the words “Daniel is the full package for me.” Umm, pardon? We honestly do not know what to do with this information.
Raven finds a date card—which Lacey is hoping has her name on it so she can find a boy she likes—but it’s for Derek. So everyone runs down to the beach cabana where Taylor and Derek have been basically living and surprises them with the date card. We’re actually excited for their date ’cause TBH, they’re super cute together.
They spend the majority of their date making out with each other—but not in a gross Rachel and Bryan or Amanda and Josh kind of way—in a sweet I can’t keep my hands off you kind of way, and Taylor decides to spend the night with Derek. We’re officially *so* here for Taylor and Derek.
Meanwhile, back on the resort Matt is being the biggest d-bag there ever was. Jasmine is, like, so into him and while it’s totally fine if he’s not in the same place as her, the least he can do is let her know where he’s at instead of just being a total dick and blowing her off. Move on, Jas, you don’t need to deal with this.
There’s also trouble in paradise for our fave couple (Dean and Kristina, duh). Dean is being closed off and vague about his feelings—and we are *not* here for it. He’s TOTALLY messing with Kristina’s head, ugh.
It’s unfortunate because Dean does have a tendency to close himself off and Rachel—who’s perhaps more assertive and to the point than Kristina—was able to snap him out of it and get him to open up, but Kristina is more soft spoken and doesn’t really seem to have that forcefulness to break down his stubborn walls.
We end the episode with everyone crying (including us because we didn’t even get a Rose Ceremony) but it’s OK because the season preview looks—this one’s for you, Robby—right in our wheelhouse.
Watch Bachelor in Paradise Mondays AND Tuesdays at 8:00 p.m. EST on City. Then, head on over to FLARE.com/themorningafter every Tuesday and Wednesday for recaps from Sharleen Joynt, GIF recaps and more!