We are FINALLY done talking about Colton’s virginity, and that means it’s time to move on to our preferred iteration of this show: The Bachelorette. And ABC just announced that we’ll be watching Hannah Brown (that’s Alabama Hannah to you) embark on her very own journey to find love later this year—premiering on Monday, May 13.
In case you already forget who Hannah is, allow us to refresh your memory with this painful interaction:
If this—and the fact that Hannah wasn’t in Colton’s top three—is making you think she’s a random choice, please remember just how boring this season was. Like, thank goddess for cringe-worthy one-on-ones like Hannah’s because without them, we would have spent the past 10 weeks watching nothing but Colton shouting “nailed it” at one blonde woman after another.
Also? The alternative choices were truly worse. Hannah G is stunning, but the few words she said on part 1 of the finale added up to more than what she said through the entirety of the season. Caelynn might have made for an interesting season of the Bachelorette, but we’ve got a feeling that she wasn’t there for ~the right reasons~.
Regardless, we’re stuck with Hannah… But it might not be so bad. Here are four reasons why her season will at least be better than Colton’s.
She’s good at stirring up drama, but knows when to quit
One of the biggest stories to come out of this season of The Bachelor was Hannah’s feud with fellow contestant—and fellow beauty queen—Caelynn. Apparently, the two had some unresolved beef from their pageant days (Hannah was Miss Alabama, Caelynn was Miss North Carolina), and The Bachelor producers of course chose to let them have it out on TV.
Basically, Caelynn told Colton that Hannah is manipulative and toxic, and Hannah told Colton that Caelynn is a psychopath. It’s a tale as old as Bachelor time, and it confused the crap out of poor Colton. But, Hannah and Caelynn likely realized that their drama could hurt their chances with Colton, so they cleared the air at one of the cocktail parties in Singapore, with Hannah declaring that “World War III was averted.” Good call, Hannah… especially if you were already petitioning to be the next Bachelorette.
She knows how to pick ’em
One of her new friends, courtesy of The Bachelor, is Demi.
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my girl, @demi_not_lovato!! We have a dang good time don’t we? — (some people don’t get us because they can’t hang and ultimately just aren’t invited too) but there is no one I’d rather laugh, cry, and Kung fu fight with. Let’s keep it real, forever. So excited for all the love, happiness, and adventure ahead for you, my friend! Thankful I get to tag along and be your #1 fan! Have the best day DemiFool 💗👯♀️ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ in honor of the queen, here are a few of my favorite clips of us. (i’m no audio tech so the sound is shat but 🤷🏼♀️)
Demi, FYI, is amazing. If you didn’t watch the Women Tell All episode this season, she was basically the only person that kept it interesting. She is a bit of a troublemaker, but as she has shown us, that’s how you get good reality TV. So, if Hannah gives out roses to dudes with similar personalities to our girl Demi, you can bet there will be no shortage of good times (or dramz) on The Bachelorette.
Two words: Hannah Beast
Not totally sure this requires a hashtag (it’s #BeastNation, if you’re interested), but it’s still pretty great.
Hannah used this growling alter-ego when she was fighting in the Thai forests, and when she was feuding with Caelynn, so it’s clearly a very flexible moniker. And we bet a good portion of her Bachelorette intro will be dedicated to getting us all reacquainted with it, so prepare yourself for that.
She left with grace
Getting dumped sucks, but getting dumped on TV sucks way, way more. Many a Bachelor and Bachelorette contestant have let that shitty situation get the best of them, lashing out at the lead and bawling to producers in the back of their getaway vans.
But not Hannah. When Colton blindsided her and let her go before Hometowns, she was clearly upset, but calmly listened to him and said in her final interview, “I will not allow myself not to feel chosen every single day, and I’ll wait ’til whenever that is.” Looks like that whenever will be happening real soon.