Part two of this week’s episode starts with us—oh, and Kristina—licking our wounds after Dean’s f-ckboy behavior from the night before. Literally everyone in Paradise thinks Dean and Kristina would be a better match than Dean and D. Lo—why is he the only one who *doesn’t* see that? It’s v. frustrating to watch.
Also Sarah Vendal from Nick’s season shows up and Raven starts freaking out because she saw Sarah and Adam cuddling one morning after an event during the BiP shutdown. To recap: Raven gave her rose to Adam the night before and is p. into him—so in deflection, she starts pushing her leftovers on Sarah. Poor Ben Z., can’t catch a damn break.
Everyone follows suit and starts trying to sell Ben Z.—because Raven seems to be the ringleader in Paradise—and Sarah’s just like, “what is this a used car shop?” She actually did compare Paradise to a used car shop and it was uhmazing.
Sarah decides to see what all the fuss is about with Ben Z. and pulls him aside to talk.
Sarah: I’ve heard a lot of great things about you, but start from scratch.
Ben Z.: Well, I have a dog. He’s my life. Blah blah blah dog. Blah blah blah dog. Blah blah blah my dog turned eight months today.
Us: Oh Ben…at least try to help yourself.
Meanwhile, Raven in her ITM:
Raven: Maybe she should back off. Like don’t take Adam on the date.
Also Raven, like five mins earlier: Sarah, you have my blessing to take Adam on the date.
As you can guess, Sarah obvs picks Adam and Raven is PIIISSSSEDDDD.
Adam starts talking about his date with Sarah in his ITM and is like “to be here in this 1-on-1 setting with Rachel…” Oops.
Ross Geller, is that you?
The date goes super well and Adam manages to get Sarah’s name right for the rest of the night. He says she has something Raven doesn’t and it seems like they have really good chemistry. TBH, we love Raven, but Adam’s date with Sarah was way more entertaining to watch.
Back at the resort, Danielle M. and Wells—the two people in Paradise we *need* to get together for the sake of our own happiness—make a pact that if they’re both still single in five years, they’ll get married.
PSA: No one date Danielle M. or Wells in the next five years.
Now that that’s settled, we can move on to the next morning. Lacey is complaining about being friend-zoned with basically every guy in Paradise.
She gets a date card and starts asking the guys one by one if they’d be interested in going on a date with her. But one by one they’re all like:
Matt tells Lacey that he thinks she would have a good time with Diggy, so she takes his advice and asks Diggy on her date.
How Diggy responded: I absolutely, 100 percent would love to go on this date with you.
How Diggy clearly wanted to respond:
Jorge the Bartender makes a special appearance as their date guide (yaaasss) and he takes them horseback riding on a beach. He also proceeds to tell them it’s where he was conceived. Uhhh, TMI?
He sets them up a little picnic and pours them some champagne. Why is Jorge the CUTEST?
And then Diggy asks Jorge if he could give them some alone time. Wow Diggy, how rude. He was just trying to make this the best date ever for you and you just kick him out like that?
Lacey leaves the date all like, “This is the start of something great, I feel really good about getting Diggy’s rose,” and feels that way for approx 11 minutes until Dominique from Nick’s season shows up—who TBH, we don’t really remember but she seems super cool.
Oh, and BTW Danielle M. has decided to leave Paradise to work in Africa and if she doesn’t get together with Wells before she leaves, we’re going to be srsly annoyed.
Anyway, back to the Dominique-Diggy-Lacey thing. Taylor, who’s apparently BFFs with the new girl, is telling her to take Diggy on her date and poor Lacey is freaking out.
Dominque asks Diggy on the date and he practically jumps out of his pants with excitement. And as you can guess Lacey is *not* happy about it. She’s more pissed at Taylor than Diggy it seems, for whispering Diggy’s name in Dominique’s ear. But honestly, if our BFF was there we’d probs do the same thing. Whoa, honestly never thought we’d be standing up for Taylor.
Fast-forward to the date, Diggy feeds Dominique a strawberry and then proceeds to give her the worst line in the history of dating:
Diggy: I’m kind of jealous of that strawberry.
The rest of their date goes well and they both seem to be into each other. Lacey officially has cause for concern.
Back at the resort, Danielle M. is getting ready to leave *tear* and we’re just
patiently impatiently waiting for something to happen with her and Wells.
Wells asks to walk her out and as they hug goodbye we (along with probably everyone else in the world) start screaming “KISS HER YOU IDIOT” over and over again until he finally does and it is actually magical.
And before we go, we’ll leave you this little gem:
Is Carly Waddell’s most recent Instagram hinting at a possible Danielle M. and Wells ’ship? If so, we are freaking here for it!!!
See you next week in Paradise!
Watch Bachelor in Paradise Mondays AND Tuesdays at 8:00 p.m. EST on City. Then, head on over to FLARE.com/themorningafter every Tuesday and Wednesday for recaps from Sharleen Joynt, GIF recaps and more!