We start the second episode of Bachelor Canada off in sunny Toronto Costa Rica, because apparently The 6ix was only good enough for one night. Chris is suuuper excited to find love in Costa Rica see the girls in their swimsuits. And the girls are equally as excited—minus Shanti who is *literalllyyyyy* fanning herself with a pink fan as if she’s friggin’ queen of the jungle. Ugh.
This is Shanti right now:
Shanti: Being a former model, I’m used to being in the A-list circle and truth be told, I expected there to be more high-quality women in the house but there isn’t.
Also Shanti: Some of them are just incapable little human beings.
Honestly, we wish we were making this up.
She continues to brag about herself and like us, the girls are so over her already.
April: Oh Gosh, Shanti? I don’t know what’s going on with her. She’s just not right like something’s wrong with her.
PLEASE TELL ME SHE DID NOT JUST walk past the girls with her hand covering her face as if she was walking past a flock of paparazzi??? This girl is too much.
Ugh anyway, while Shanti is being the world’s biggest drama queen—and the literal bane of our existence—Noah drops off the first date card, and it’s a 1-on-1 for Lyndsey! Quick recap: that’s the girl Chris said he would muster up the confidence to talk to if he saw her on the street. She’s super cute.
Lyndsey meets Chris, who BTW is wearing a godawful purple Hawaiian shirt paired with army green pants—Chris, may we have a word with your stylist?—for their date, where they will be flying in a v. tiny plane over an active volcano. You can tell they’re both so nervous and it’s really adorable. We like them together already!
The plane ride goes perfect—minus some minor turbulence that has Chris wanting to vom—and they clearly have great chemistry. UNTIL Chris asks Lyndsey how old she is and she tells him she’s 23. Which like, does it really matter?
Chris: I can’t lie it’s a little disappointing because…23 is young.
Us: Omg. You suck.
Meanwhile back at the resort, the girls get the first Group Date card and Dee—who got the First Impression Rose—is worried because her name’s not on it and she thinks one of the girls on the date might let it slip that she has a kid. Shanti’s name also isn’t on the date and naturally she thinks it’s because Chris is “saving the best for last.” *Eye roll*
To make it clear that she thinks she’s better than everyone else, Shanti tells the girls that Chris asked her to stay when she was crying in the bathroom on Night One and is like, “Duh why would he ask me to stay just to send me home?” Valid point, but you’re annoying.
Shanti: There’s definitely a high level of insecurity that I expected from 15-year-old girls living at home. I keep getting passive aggressive attacks and keep getting dragged down by a bunch of weak little girls. They see things in me that they don’t have.
Back on the date, Chris and Lyndsey are taken to the absolute cutest treehouse in the jungle for some hammock cuddles—during sunset. It’s literally the most romantic setting and every girl’s dream date and Chris DOES. NOT. KISS. HER. Like, what’s up with this dude?
He can’t get over the age issue (which, let’s be real, is a non-issue) so he brings it up during the evening portion of their date. But Lyndsey’s like, “Dude, I moved to New York to live on my own when I was 18, I’m a mature adult looking for a partner, get over it.” (But it way nicer words, because she’s actually v. well spoken).
Then she tells Chris about her almost-fiancé who she found out was on Tinder for a “quick fun time” (ew) and after hearing her open up to him—and realizing that while she might be 23, she’s super mature and ready for a relationship—Chris drops the age thing (kind of) and gives her the date rose. Oh, and he FINALLY kisses her. If you’re not keeping track, we are 20 minutes into the second episode and this is his first kiss.
Moving on to Day 2 in Costa Rica—Shanti is complaining that the girls are attacking her because she’s better than them. Is she Gretchen Wieners from Mean Girls?
Shanti: People are taking advantage of my kindness and of my heart. Even though I look young, fertile, glowing, beautiful, I am still suffering.
She decides to confront the girls, and basically says that people flock to her because she’s popular and that the girls in the house are not admiring her appropriately. WE LITERALLY CANNOT.
Shanti to the girls: Some of you are making me literally sick
Cut to the first Group Date, Chris brings six of his girlfriends to the beach for a photo shoot and we can’t even imagine how pissed Shanti-the-former-model is that she didn’t get the photo shoot date. The girls are given their costumes for the shoot, and poor Meghan gets a frumpy grandma outfit while the other girls are in bikinis and coconut bras. That is the legit definition of getting the shit end of the stick. But she makes the best of it and Chris likes that she can make him laugh. She’s def not winning this thing though.
Chris and Mikaela get some dreamy shots, and then Mermaid Girl shows up in (can you guess?) a mermaid costume and things get awkward(ly hilarious). Chris gets tired of holding Lisa and her mermaid tail, so he just casually drops her in the ocean. The poor girl is just thrashing around—clearly struggling and getting pummeled by waves—and Chris just continues smiling for the camera.
Actual footage of Chris and Lisa’s photo shoot:
After the unfortunate mermaid incident, Catie (the girl we liked from episode 1) is up next and she has a totally steamy makeout sesh with Chris during her photo shoot. YAAASSS, get it girl.
And back at the resort, while the girls are all shit-talking Shanti (for obvious reasons), Dee finds the second Group Date card which reads “love is a battlefield.” Brittany M.’s name is called and she’s like, “Sorry not sorry girls but I get a wee bit competitive when it comes to sports” and then Dee reads Shanti’s name and everyone’s like, f-ck.
Cut to the evening portion of the Group Date. Chris and Mikaela have a good convo and she has obvious frontrunner potential. But when she sees Catie coming to interrupt, Mikaela totally makes out with Chris right in front of her. Is it just us but wouldn’t you rather your first kiss be in an intimate setting, opposed to just doing it to shove it in someone else’s face? But whatever, our girl Catie ends up getting the Group Date Rose so she wins.
Time for the second Group Date! JK, Chris decides to just hang with the girls at their resort because it’s “too hot out.” OK, Chris.
Chris complaining about the tropical heat at his deffo air conditioned five-star resort:
Shanti gets the first 1-on-1 chat with Chris, obv, and straight up tells him that half the girls are “rotten apples.” Ew this girl is actually the worst.
Then, as if Shanti hasn’t pulled enough crap already, she goes and freaking tells Chris that Dee has a kid…
Moving on because we literally cannot with Shanti anymore, Chris takes the girls who were supposed to be on the Group Date for a mini evening date. He has some unimportant conversations with a few of the girls—like the luxury travel nomad (still don’t know what that is)—but keeps getting interrupted by Shanti’s drama.
Chris finally sits Shanti down to see if she can talk about anything other than the girls in the house but alas, she cannot. So he sends her packin’. Girl, BYEEEE.
After Shanti leaves, Chris is tired and decides to not give out the Group Date Rose. Dude’s had a big day OK? He found out one of his girlfriends is a mom, he sent home a former model and, IT’S JUST REALLY HOT OUT.
He also decides to cancel the Cocktail Party and go straight to Rose Ceremony, where he ends up sending home a girl named Ashley—who we honestly don’t think got any airtime because this is the first time we’ve seen her face ever.
And that’s a wrap! According to next week’s previews, it looks like Brittany M. will be taking Shanti’s place as house vill, so see you then!
Watch The Bachelor Canada Wednesdays at 9:00 p.m. EST on W Network. Then, head on over to FLARE.com/themorningafter for Sharleen Joynt’s always on-point recaps and more!