Objection! We Are Not Here for Legally Blonde 3

We plead our case against another sequel the world does not need

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A still from the original Legally Blonde film

Reese Witherspoon is reportedly in talks to produce and star in a third Legally Blonde movie. According to industry Bible Deadline, Witherspoon is close to making a deal to step back into the sparkly pink pumps of Elle Woods—and most of the original creative team, including the women who did the screenplay for the first film, are already on board as well.

Basically, it’s looking like Legally Blonde is definitely (probably) happening, to which we say: Objection, your Honour!

Pursuant to the Laws of All That Is Good, under sub-section “Orange Is Not the New Pink,” we hereby demand an immediate cease and desist of this reported production under the following grounds:

1) The statute of nostalgia limitations still applies

When first Elle Woods bent-and-snapped onto our screens in 2001, she was a revelation. Clad in head-to-toe pink, Witherspoon’s Elle was a feminist icon who showed the world that you don’t always have to be like, super serious to deserve to be taken seriously. She was the Gemini vegetarian heroine that the world needed—then.

We’ve come along way in the past 17 years and while yes, it would be interesting to see Elle tackle #MeToo (especially in light of the abuse-of-power-by-her-law-school-professor storyline in the original), this character and her world are so early 00’s that many key aspects of the film feel dated…and we’re not just talking about her Paris Hilton-inspired wardrobe. As revolutionary as it was at the time, Legally Blonde still hinged on tired stereotypes about, for instance, gay men loving fashion. Upon closer inspection, College Humour also pointed out that Elle Woods wasn’t exactly as feminist as we may have thought. Sure, the dialogue might just barely pass The Bechdel test (although a lot of the drama is about two women competing over a man), but Elle still exists in a very narrowly defined world where the best way to bond with your fellow woman is over nails and last season’s Prada pumps. And let’s not forget, the film relies on her Valley Girl background throughout, even when it comes to winning her case.

A GIF from the last scene of Legally Blonde with Elle saying "the rules of haircare are simple and finite. Any Cosmo girl would have known"

(Credit: Giphy)

2) The existing case (against sequels) law

Name a sequel (let alone a trilogy) that ever actually managed to improve upon the original movie. Not. A. Single. One. And no, that’s not badgering the witness, counsel, it’s an unequivocal fact, entered in evidence. See: People Vs. Sex and the City 2. For the handful of people who enjoyed Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde consider this: That movie finished on the hopeful note of Elle potentially launching a presidential run, and while IRL we can’t wait to see another woman swing for the highest leadership role in the land, it just feels a bit too raw right now to see it on screen.

A GIF from Legally Blonde of Reese Witherspoon as Elle Woods saying "No" and looking disheveled

(Credit: Giphy)

3) The defendant 

We refuse to call the defendant in this case, one Laura Jeanne Reese Witherspoon, because frankly this whole thing is a waste of her time. Instead, we’d like to request an injunction so she can get back to working on the rest of her massive slate of projects that are way more interesting and which we’d actually line up to watch. We beseech the jury: Let this woman get back to that starring and executive producing the adaptation of Celeste Ng’s Little Fires Everywhere, co-starring with Jennifer Aniston in a series about a morning show for Apple, running her Hello Sunshine production company and most pressingly, tearing up the lanes with Meryl Streep and rest of the Big Little Lies ladies. What, like it’s hard?

4) Habeas corpus

The original canine actor who played Bruiser, Elle’s beloved Chihuahua, passed the Great Bar Exam In the Sky a few years ago, and truly, it would be “unlawful imprisonment” of his spirit to try and make a Legally Blonde film without its true star.

We rest our case.

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