This week on Bachelor in Paradise Marquel enjoyed his time in the sun with newcomers Danielle and Jackie both vying for his affections. I can’t say I was very #TeamMarquel this episode. He’s been coming off increasingly insincere and high-and-mighty considering his blatant “grass is always greener” mentality. AshLee lived up to the title I awarded her in episode one as she continued to obsess over an aware and gloriously expressive Graham. Michelle was emotional but remains likable. And—cue evil music—player extraordinaire Chris B sprained his knee from, um, strolling on the beach. But this week’s awards go to…
Paragon of Normalcy Award: Sarah, who might be the only reasonable and intelligent human on this show. I never disagree with a thing she says nor the eyebrow she raises as she says it.
Blandness Award: Robert, for his inability to emote and refusal to say anything interesting. Other than his being one of this week’s “free agents” and the fact that he seems to not own any shirts, I couldn’t for the life of me see the appeal that Sarah and Michelle saw.
Living On Another Planet Award: Elise, who at this point has infamously deaf ears. I don’t think anyone was surprised by Elise’s decision to leave with Chris. But, her describing him as a “rainbow after the storm” and “silver lining”—a mere day after her previous victim love, Dylan, ran for the hills—doesn’t exactly speak highly of her deductive reasoning.