Quoted: Post-Divorce Power Moves

When a Hollywood split turns behind-the-scenes nasty, these formidable females took the high road, while still putting their former spouses in their place

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When the rich and famous look to dissolve their happily-ever-afters, things can turn petty real, real quick. But if you’re smart, like say Jennifer Garner (who just put out a perfectly poised interview throwing serious shade at Batfleck), you hire Tinseltown Disso Queen, Laura Wasser to help you plan accordingly. The stuff of legends, Wasser, according to a brand new story on Bloomberg, currently has over 45 cases in the works, including some high profile celebrity splits that are about to come down the proverbial pipeline. So while some men may rebound with ill-conceived tattoos or platinum dye jobs, the following Hollywood femmes turned heartache into amazing press. Exes and future divorcees, take note.

celebrity divorce

(Photo: Vanity Fair)

Jennifer Garner in Vanity Fair
Garner’s VF interview is absolutely delightful—and we’re not referring to her sunny demeanor. It is a master class in taking the high road while getting your digs in with a smile. Of course, there’s talk of the ‘Rising Phoenix’ tattoo and the Instagram-happy nanny that is getting so much press, but it’s her more subtle insights, like: “He’s still the only person who really knows the truth about things. And I’m still the only person that knows some of his truths” that really cut. She also just threw down a few F bombs with aplomb in the below storytime video that’s popping up in everyone’s feeds this week. Garner’s got game, who knew?

Elisabeth Moss in the New York Post and New York magazine
Elisabeth Moss has said her short marriage to Fred Armisen was “extremely traumatic” and uses a friend’s quote to sum up her husband: “One of the greatest things I heard someone say about him is, ‘He’s so great at doing impersonations. But the greatest impersonation he does is that of a normal person.'” Ouch, right? (Fred has openly admitted to be a terrible boyfriend and husband.)

Katy Perry in Vogue
Katy Perry has never spoken at length about the demise of her marriage to Russell Brand, saying she prefers to keep things in a safe for a rainy day (tell us more, Katy!). But she has said that Brand put little effort into the marriage and he ended it with the gravitas of a random dude on Tindr by texting her on New Year’s Eve, asking for a divorce. They reportedly have not spoken since.

Jennifer Aniston in Vanity Fair
“The Unsinkable Jennifer Aniston” indeed. To say this divorce was epic is an understatement, to say it was historical is not. Eleven years later it is still consistently generating headlines and tabloid covers. The article paints Jen as the cuckolded everywoman—in pain but unbroken—while her friends rally around and praise her warmth and commitment to the marriage. Who can forget the Billy Idol joke or that Brad was missing a “sensitivity chip”?

Nicole Kidman on the Late Show with David Letterman
It’s hard to remember a time when Kidman wasn’t on the A-list, but after her split from Tom Cruise, her career was in a tenuous position. He was much more famous and powerful than her, and she was mostly famous for her fashion choices and being his wife. One quip on Letterman made people sit up and take notice. When pressed on how she was doing, she cheekily responded, “Well, I can wear heels now.” And a star was (re)born.

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